TIP 46
DATE YOUR SPOUSE
Marriage must incessantly contend with a monster that devours everything: familiarity.
Most successful people have a strong supporter behind them cheering them on from the sidelines, someone who will hold them tight when they feel shattered, someone who will love them, flaws and all. This is often a spouse or partner. How much time do you spend every week in one-on-one conversation with the love of your life? The national average is 27 minutes. This is because we assume that our spouse will always be there so we can talk when we have time, but of course, there never is time in most busy households.
If you want a nurturing, supportive, loving relationship, it is imperative that you date your spouse or partner once a week. This will ensure that you break that appalling national average. Hire a sitter, trade a night with the neighbor, but whatever you do, make sure you have a romantic evening to enjoy your partner. It is important to keep the romance alive, to nourish the relationship. You don’t have to go someplace fancy, but go out. Pack a picnic lunch, eat it in the park, and watch the moon rise. Or go to that cheap and delicious Chinese restaurant. Put on a great-looking outfit or suit and go out. This may be the only time you and your partner have to talk about your hopes and plan your dreams. Have fun! Be creative. Avoid topics you know will cause trouble and stick to the more romantic stuff. You deserve this special time together. It will enliven your relationship and remind you why you are together in the first place. It is also good to be a model for your children by showing them how much you treasure your relationship. You’ll both be better parents the rest of the week.
My client, Laura, was complaining that her husband wasn’t supporting her in her consulting business, which she was working on at home in the evenings in hope of leaving the day job she hated. She also complained that he wasn’t romantic anymore. He never brought her flowers or gave her gifts. They rarely did anything together since their two kids were born. I told Laura to hire a babysitter one night a week and just go out with her husband alone. There was nothing wrong with their relationship that a little attention wouldn’t fix. It is very hard to be romantic when the kids are screaming in the background and little Suzy has just spilled milk all over your shirt. Laura was skeptical, and her husband was reluctant to spend the money for the babysitter, but I told her to do it anyway. It was essential to the success of their relationship that they spend some time simply enjoying each other.
The next week, Laura called back to report that they had fun on their date. They went to a nice little restaurant, and they talked about their plans for building a new house and growing her home-based business. Then they walked through a shopping mall together holding hands. She said it was so pleasant just being with him. Then, later that week, she was in a store and a man came up behind her and put his hands over her eyes. It was her husband. She got excited to see him in the store unexpectedly and saw him for a moment the way other people would see him—this great attractive hunk who was crazy in love with her. She felt lucky to have him. They have been continuing their weekly dates and are now really working well together as a couple. Laura supports him in being successful on the job, and he has gradually become her most enthusiastic supporter, actively encouraging her to leave her job so that she can focus on her own business.
Date your spouse, nurture the most important relationship in your life, and he or she will in turn give you the energy you need to be successful in your work.