TIP 95
CAST PLENTY OF PEBBLES
An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory.
Let your hook always be cast. In the pool where you least expect it, will be a fish.
If you want to attract success, you need to relax and allow people and things to come to you. Pushing, pressing, arm-bending, seducing, convincing, and persuading may work, but they are not, I repeat, not attractive. It is easy to waste an awful lot of time and energy trying to guide the ripples when you’d be better off casting more pebbles and seeing which ripples find their way back to you. If you aren’t exactly sure what direction you want to head in your career or if you are looking for a great relationship, it is easier and more fun to try a lot of different things. Go on informational interviews in places you’ve always thought would be interesting, even if you don’t have the right training or background. Experiment with many different ideas and options, and don’t worry about it. Your job is to cast plenty of pebbles.
My client, Frank, an entrepreneur and software designer, wanted to find some clients for an accounting program he had created. He was sending out thick, expensive packets to the top accounting firms in the country and not getting much response. We decided to try sending a concise one-page letter to a thousand firms and see which ones expressed an interest. Then he would send those folks the detailed package. This not only cut down on his printing expenses, but he wasn’t wasting time with people who weren’t interested.
The same applies to relationships. Looking for someone special? Great! Go out with a lot of different people. Don’t get wrapped up with just one man or woman who seems pretty good. We are all looking for that one in a million person, but how many people have you actually gone out with? Thirty? That’s a long way from a million. You don’t have to go out with a million people, but it would certainly improve your odds if you saw a few more people. Nita Tucker’s lighthearted and terrific book on dating, How Not to Stay Single, suggests smiling at every single person you see. Cast plenty of smiles, and see if you get one back.
If you are trying to “win over” a particular person, let him or her go. It probably isn’t worth it. Move on to the next, and don’t waste your time. Either it is fun and effortless to create a new relationship, or it’s probably not worth it. You just can’t force someone to like you. This is not to say that if you already have a good relationship, it doesn’t take work to maintain it. However, if you are struggling to make things work at the very start of a relationship, you can bet that maintaining your relationship down the road won’t be a cakewalk.
One client was utterly exhausted because her six-month-old baby wasn’t sleeping through the night. As a result, she was a walking zombie most days. Adding to her frustrations, her two-year-old wasn’t enjoying going to her nursery school. There wasn’t much she could do about the lack of sleep, I but she could tackle the second issue by finding a way to make nursery school more enjoyable for her daughter. She arranged a date with her child’s closest playmate at the nursery school to help them develop their friendship. Her daughter now had something to look forward to—seeing her little friend, Lucy, at school.
Having a friend to support you through a difficult time makes it easier, whether you are two years old or ninety-two. After just one play date with Lucy my client’s daughter didn’t cry when she dropped her off at the school, because Lucy was there. Progress!
One way to attract more of what you want in life is to be grateful for what you already have, even if it is not enough. We spend so much of our time and energy focusing on what we don’t have that we often neglect to appreciate what we do have. Instead of focusing on the one relationship you don’t have, focus and be grateful for all the wonderful friends and family you do have.
To remind yourself of all the wonderful things you have, once a week take a few minutes to write down everything that you are grateful for in a diary or journal. It could be your health, a loving spouse, a beautiful sunrise, or a cup of hot cocoa. No matter how rough, there is always something or someone to be grateful for—a partner to come home to who will listen to you, a dog that adores you, a warm bed to sleep in, or just that you survived the week with your limbs intact.
Another way to do this is send at least one thank-you note, card, or e-mail each week. Is there anyone you could thank (Tip 50)?
Writing down and sending our thanks for the good things people have done for us is a great way to attract more good things. People so like to be appreciated and thanked that they will try to find even more ways to help you. What you pay attention to expands. If you focus on what you don’t have, you will attract even less. If you focus on what you do have, you will attract even more. If you are needy or desperate, you will end up repelling the very thing you want to attract. When you are grateful for what you have, even when it is not enough, you’ll attract more of the good things in your life.