TIP 80
SPEAK AND BE HEARD
Be sparing of speech, and things will come right of themselves.
The number one reason why people don’t listen is that they haven’t finished speaking. If you interrupt or try to compete with someone who is speaking, he will be thinking about what he was trying or wanting to say and won’t really be listening to you. The first secret to speaking so that people really hear you is to make sure that they have finished speaking first. How do you do this? You can simply ask, “Is there anything else?” Ninety percent of the time, even when they have stopped speaking, they haven’t finished their thoughts. If you give people the time and space to do so, they will usually find that there is something else they wanted to say. If they really are done speaking, they’ll let you know. Stop wasting your breath. Make sure the other person is ready to listen, and you are much more likely to be fully heard.
The second reason why people don’t listen is that you aren’t speaking in an effective or appealing manner. Is your voice easy on the ear? If you speak with a high-pitched or nasal voice or if you have a difficult or heavy accent, people may just tune you out because it is too much work to listen to you. Fortunately, we all have control over our voice. Listen to your recorded voice and ask for feedback from honest friends. If you have an unattractive voice or accent, work with a voice teacher and learn how to change your voice. Everyone can learn simple techniques for lowering the voice and eliminating unpleasant accents or harsh tones. Actors have been doing this for years.
The third reason people don’t listen to you is because you aren’t speaking powerfully and concisely. Learn to say what you want to say with a minimum of words. In business, short and to the point is always going to be more powerful than long-winded explanations that leave people snoozing. Make your statement and shut up.
Here are a few communication tools that will dramatically improve the way you are heard:
1. Delete the word “I” from your vocabulary. Let’s look at an example. You are in a meeting and you don’t understand something. You raise your hand and say, “I didn’t understand your point about XYZ project. Could you please clarify?” Instead say, “Would you please clarify your point about XYZ project?” You don’t need to emphasize that you didn’t understand. The same goes if you want to share your thoughts or an opinion. Instead of saying, “I think this project is going to exceed budget,” delete “I think” and deliver your opinion as a statement: “This project is going to exceed budget.” That will catch people’s attention. Instead of, “I don’t think this project will be successful because …” say, “This project is headed toward failure unless the XYZ problem is resolved.” Instead of prefacing your questions with, “I have a question,” ask your question directly: “What is the deadline for this project?” This one simple change will make a huge difference in how you are perceived, even though you are asking the same question.
The same applies to giving compliments and acknowledgments. Most people would much rather hear, “You are terrific,” than, “I think you are terrific.” The first sounds like a universal truth, while the second sounds like an opinion. Practice deleting “I” from your vocabulary this week, and see how people respond. You will immediately come across as powerful and direct.
2. Convert your questions into statements. In general, women are perfectly comfortable with questions. In fact, women feel it is more polite to ask a question than it is to give an instruction. Thus, women tend to make the mistake of asking men questions, too. The problem with this is that most men prefer instructions or statements to questions. For instance, instead of asking a male boss, “How can I improve my performance?” say, “Tell me what I could do to improve my performance.” You are more likely to get a response this way. This works at home, too. If your husband comes home from work and you ask, “How was your day, honey?” you might get a one-word response: “Fine.” Instead, try, “Tell me about your day, honey,” and you may get a full account—just make sure you are ready to listen.
Convert your questions to statements or instructions this week and see what happens. Notice how men talk to other men. They don’t usually ask a lot of questions. Also, delete the word “I” from your vocabulary this week and notice the results. You will find that people are taking notice when you speak.
I used to think only the rich could afford to indulge in exceptional self-care on a regular basis, and the rest of us folks would just have to be content with an occasional splurge. But now I see that it works in reverse: you attract wealth and opportunities simply by taking exceptionally good care of yourself. My first breakthrough in self-care was to hire a house cleaner. I figured this was highly irresponsible, given my credit card debts. Shortly thereafter I got a raise that more than covered this extra expense--no money problems so far, in fact more money. Then I hired a personal trainer (Tip 85) and a few months later got a bonus at work. Do I detect a pattern emerging? I treated myself to a weekend at a day spa in town. Then a fellow I was dating at the time invited me to vacation in Mexico for a whole week. As I started to take better care of myself, so did the people around me. While I was regularly saving 10 percent, paying off my debts, and doing things to perfect the present, more money started coming in from unexpected places. I realize that this may sound magical to you, but once again, it is all about energy. When you take better care of yourself, you start believing you are worth more and thus it isn’t surprising that you attract more.
Napoleon Hill had this figured out years ago in his book Think and Grow Rich (1937), when he said, “No one is ready for a thing until he believes he can acquire it. The state of mind must be belief, not mere hope or wish.” Hill’s point is that you must know with certainty that you can have it. If you are hoping and wishing, then the message you are sending out is one of lack. The most effective way I’ve seen to increase your own readiness and willingness to have what you want is to start perfecting the present and doing the things you don’t think you deserve.