TIP 64
LOVE YOUR LISTS OR LOSE THEM
One never notices what has been done, one can only see what remains to be done.
One way to more fully leverage the present moment and increase your productivity is to get rid of your to-do list. I know this sounds like heresy; I’m a lover of lists myself. Try keeping the list for work, but consider trashing your personal list. If throwing out your list sounds tough, try living without it for a week and see what happens. You will find that you naturally do what needs to be done.
Max was ruled by his to-do list. He said, “You know, I almost get everything done, but there are always two or three things I don’t get done.” He would beat himself up about the two or three things he didn’t do instead of congratulating himself for the 10 things he did. If you just lived the day doing what needed to be done and didn’t worry about the list, then you wouldn’t feel bad about what didn’t get done. When was the last time you felt really good about not finishing a list of tasks? Yet we always seem to give ourselves more than we can do—a vicious circle.
Another danger of lists is that we often get so focused on the to-do list that we miss out on the great opportunities around us. A list can be a helpful tool, but it can also limit your vision. If you are a die-hard list maker, try doing the “What Is Important About Today?” questions (Tip 35) as they will provide you with sufficient focus without burying you in details or overwhelming you with all there is to do. Toss your list and see how good you feel.
On the other hand, if you really love lists and feel great even if you only do one thing on the list, go right ahead, make your list. (I think you are getting the idea here—if it feels good and works for you, do it!) One client discovered a different technique for list-making that left her feeling empowered. Instead of crossing completed items off the list, she highlights them with bright yellow. She can’t help but be drawn to the things she has already accomplished. She says to herself, “Ha! I did that, and that, and that too!” This spurs her on to do even more while making her feel great about what she has already done. She says she would never want to give up the pleasure of highlighting her accomplishments.
When a colleagues read this tip, she laughed and said that she has to keep a to-do list because it’s hard to remember things as she gets older. I have to confess I need a list for everything now. In fact, if it isn’t written down, it very simply won’t happen because I’ll most certainly forget. Lists are my constant companions, and I’ve come full circle. What happened? My life has gotten much fuller with the addition of a husband, two children, three houses, and an international coaching company—there is too much to keep track of in one head. To stay organized, I use two simple tools: (1) I always carry a pad and pencil to jot down things that I think of so I remember them later; (2) I keep a family calendar that consolidates everyone’s activities for the week in one place so at a glance we know what’s what and who is where.
The key is to keep your list empowering. If you don’t get everything done on your list, don’t beat yourself up about it. Focus on what you have accomplished instead what you haven’t accomplished.
Now that you’ve tossed your to-do list, it is time to toss your goals. This may sound like heresy, coming from a coach. But really, if the goal is that important to you, do you think you will forget it if you don’t write it on a list? If you allow intuition to guide you, be willing to toss the goals list. It’s what we think we should be going for in our lives. Sure this stuff might be nice, but most of it comes from the media, such as having a particular car, a perfect wardrobe, or a flat stomach. Get rid of your goals and start with a clean slate.
Before you start to panic, I’m not saying you can’t have goals ever again. In my seminars, I will even tell people to write down what they want because writing it down can help it become a reality. But, for a fresh start toss your old goals and see what comes to you naturally. You may be surprised at what you start effortlessly attracting.
I was surprised by these results myself. I had the idea to create an online coaching program in order to make life coaching accessible to people who couldn’t afford private one-on-one coaching, which is now “The Ideal Life Program.” This wasn’t even on my list a year ago, but when I tossed my list of goals, I felt free to work on something more interesting. It is impossible to go with the flow if you are run by your lists. The right goals will find you if you let them. And that is the whole point here: let things come to you naturally. Stop forcing, pushing, pressing, striving, working, and struggling to get what you want. Stop! You are much more likely to attract success if you stop chasing after it. Just relax and do what you feel like doing for a while, and see what happens. By the way, since tossing the list, I’ve written two more books and have lived in a foreign country. So don’t worry. You will get plenty done even if it isn’t on your formal list.
You can trust yourself to throw away your goals and let the world provide you with the next opportunity. Michael, an executive sales manager for a Fortune 500 company, has built his successful career on goals. He gives his sales team yearly goals, quarterly goals, weekly goals, and daily goals. His whole life he has been driven to achieve by exceeding the target. Needless to say, Michael was not one bit pleased with the concept of tossing his goals. I allowed him to keep his work goals, but asked that he get rid of all his personal goals. He complained that he would feel aimless without goals, but he agreed to try it for one month. He tossed a list of personal goals: get a six-pack stomach, go white-water rafting, go on a safari, learn Spanish, learn karate, and make new kitchen cabinets. I reminded Michael that crossing these items off didn’t mean that he was giving up on them or that he would never do them, but rather that he would allow things to occur naturally at the right time and place.
The next week Michael called back amazed. Odd and incredible things were happening. For starters, all week, the perfect parking space would open up just as he needed it. At work, Michael had been recruiting at a job fair, and his normal style would have been to seek out possible contacts. He didn’t have to. People were coming up to his booth saying so-and-so said I should talk to you. Some interesting stuff was happening at work. The company had recently bought out a competitor, and his new counterparts were messing around with his clients. Because there was no system for communicating with the new team, there was no way of controlling this behavior. All the players were shuffling at the top; nobody wanted to make a decision, and everything was being deferred to committees. Michael said that if this had happened before the coaching, he would have gone ballistic. Now he just supports his clients and is amazed at his cool sense of detachment in all the chaos. But the thing Michael was happiest about after one week of being goal-less? His golf score had inexplicably and dramatically improved.
Going goal-less is fairly advanced. If you aren’t ready to go goal-less, you can get better results by setting clear and positive written goals. Easier said than done as most people write vague or even negative goals. I recommend that you review your list with a friend or a coach to double-check. For example, one of the most commonly written negative goals is “lose weight.” I know you are thinking, “But I do want to lose weight!” First of all, the word “lose” is loaded with negative associations. We don’t want to be losers in life; we want to be winners. So right off the bat, that word needs to go. Why not rewrite this goal as the end result you want: (1) I am my ideal weight and size. I am healthy, fit, and strong. I can do 100 push-ups in 10 minutes. I can easily zip up a pair of size 10 jeans. Or better yet, toss that goal and get one that really inspires you—one that would make fitness a natural by-product such as, “I am a fully qualified yoga teacher,” or, “I am the winner of the local dance competition.”
The most common problems with written goals is that they:
1. Are written in a negative way (what we don’t want versus what we do want), for example, “I hate my job,” versus “I am doing work I thoroughly enjoy.”
2. Are media-inspired or “shoulds” instead of value-based, for example, washboard stomach versus healthy and happy.
3. Are written for the future instead of the present. “I will be a millionaire in 10 years,” versus “I am financially free and no longer have to work for a living.”
4. Are either too big or too small and disempowering as a result.
5. Take longer than most people realize and cause you to feel like a failure when they don’t get done “on time.”
6. Overuse the word more, which is too vague to be effective; for example, “Spend more time with my children,” versus “Game night with the family on Fridays.”
Since most written goals are inherently flawed, it often is more effective to create a visual image of what you want that serves to focus your desires. Then determine the daily action that will get you there. If you want to be a published author, give the best hour of your day to writing. If you want to be fit and healthy, give your first hour to exercise.
Beware of having too many goals at one time. Leo Babatua writes in the marvelous little book, The Power of Less, about the power of focusing on one big goal at a time. A big goal takes six months to a year to accomplish. If you have a goal that takes longer than one year (such as completing a university degree), then break it down into one-year increments. If it takes less than six months, then it is a “project.” For best results, select one big goal to work on now. Then if you want, you can have a maximum of three projects going simultaneously with the caveat that one of the projects must support your big goal. If your goal is to write a book, a project might be to draft the outline or write one chapter. If all three projects support your big goal you’ll get there even faster, but most people have personal projects as well, such as renovating the kitchen. Once you complete a project you can start a new project, maintaining a maximum list of three.
With this clear focus you’ll accomplish much more with less stress. Too many projects and goals going on at once will dilute your time, resources, and energy, leaving you feeling overwhelmed and stressed.
Try this simple method for goal setting in combination with the attraction method and you will really soar. Which brings me to another myth: many people think that attraction and action are mutually exclusive. Why not do both? Set your intention, be willing to attract it for free or very little money, and start taking action.