TIP 1
ELIMINATE ALL THOSE PETTY ANNOYANCES
To be really great in the little things, to be truly noble and heroic in the insipid details of everyday life, is a virtue so rare as to be worthy of canonization.
If you are serious about being successful, start by eliminating everything you are putting up with, the things you are tolerating or enduring—those petty annoyances. You might be tolerating any number of small things, such as the overflowing in-box, the unpaid taxes you have to figure out, or even the tear in your bathrobe that nags at you every time you open your shower door and see it hanging there. Every time you see it, you think, “I’ve got to sew that.” That is an annoyance. It could be that you are also tolerating something bigger. Maybe you’re tolerating a coworker’s habit of always showing up late, or you’re tolerating your boss who micromanages you. You could even be tolerating your own bad habits—such as biting your nails or never being able to find important papers because your files are disorganized.
Everything you are tolerating drains your energy, makes you irritable, and wears you down. It is very difficult to be successful if you are putting up with so many annoyances. From my coaching experience, I’ve found that most people are currently tolerating anywhere from 60 to 100 different things. The first step to eliminating what you are putting up with is to make a list. It doesn’t do any good to just keep a mental list; you must write these annoyances down onto paper to get them out of your head. Then set aside a Saturday or Sunday as a blitz day and start working through your list, resolving anything that can be done in one day. If you start to lose steam, take a break or call a friend to check in for a pep talk and report your progress. It helps to set a deadline. After the blitz day treat yourself to any reward that would motivate you—perhaps a massage or a dinner out.
You won’t be able to handle some of these annoyances in one day, so give yourself one to three months. You might find it more fun to work on this with a friend and make it a contest—whoever eliminates the most items in 90 days wins a special prize. Petty annoyances drain your energy, reducing your natural ability to attract success. Don’t sweat the small things. Just get them out of your life. As for the things that seem impossible to handle—like your boss, the long commute to work, or the pollution in your city—just write them on the list and don’t worry about them. The solutions will come to you in time.
Take the example of Jason, a successful portfolio manager on Wall Street. Jason loved the financial world but was extremely frustrated in his work, where he seemed to be putting in long hours day after day. He had been in the same position for over seven years and felt he wasn’t getting the recognition or salary he deserved. Jason said to me, “I feel like a rat on a treadmill. I keep running faster and faster and working harder and harder, and it is getting me absolutely nowhere. What do I do?” I asked Jason to list all the things he was currently tolerating about his life, both personally and professionally. He came back with a fairly long list that seemed endless to him. Like many unhappy people, he was stuck. I said, “Jason, it’s time to start taking excellent care of yourself.” I suggested that he begin rewarding himself, doing some things he especially liked even when all the paperwork wasn’t finished. He needed to stop pushing so hard for a few minutes and rest. The result was gratifying. One day he went for a walk in Central Park and watched the sunset—a simple thing that he really enjoyed but hadn’t taken the time to do in years. He started taking a martial arts class—something he had always wanted to do, but just couldn’t seem to justify the time for. Now Jason had something to look forward to after work, and he found himself getting his work done more efficiently so he could go to his classes. He cleaned up all the papers on his desk and caulked the tub, and things began to turn around. Jason talked to a recruiter about job prospects, and within two months, he had a new job at another investment bank where he felt more valued and received a $30,000 increase in salary. Not to mention the fact that he started dating again.
Some people sit down to write their list and have great trouble getting started. In 99 percent of the cases, this isn’t because they don’t have any pesky annoyances in their lives, but rather because they are so numb to them that they can’t even think of them. If this happens to you, it may help to think of the different categories of things you tolerate—what are you tolerating about work, home, your friends and family, your pets, your body, your own habits? Start there and your list may be easier to form.
The next trick is to lump the things you are tolerating together and see how you could eliminate a whole bunch of them at once. For example, John was tolerating not making enough money, a messy desk at work, his boss, not having enough responsibility, and not getting enough acknowledgment, among other things. He realized that if he got a different job, he would wipe out a whole pack of annoyances at once. He cleaned off his desk and then talked to his boss about the possibilities of working in another department where he would have more responsibilities. He got the transfer and a few months later earned a salary increase to match his increased responsibilities.
You may find that you are putting up with something for a very good reason. One of my clients, Jessica, worked excessively to eliminate her entire list of 89 annoyances. She was very proud of her accomplishment but was a bit discouraged on our next call. Now that she had eliminated all of the piddling stuff that had been bothering her, she realized the big one that was staring her in the face—she was having trouble in her marriage of 27 years. She had been hiding from the fact that the relationship wasn’t working, even though she knew she’d have to deal with it if she was to be successful in her business and happy in her life. All the little things she had been tolerating distracted her from the big issues in her life.
When you finish your list, you will find that a number of things seem beyond your control and you don’t know how to fix them. Not to worry; just leave them on the list and work on the ones you can do something about now. I gave this assignment to my sister before I realized it wasn’t advisable to coach one’s own family. She made her list and showed it to me, and when I told her I was sorry, I shouldn’t coach her, she never pursued it. One of the items on her list was her cubicle mate at work. Without doing anything, she was given a different partner a month later. You will find that if you write your list, stuff it in a drawer and come back to it a month later, you’ll be able to cross some things off even though you weren’t working on them. So whatever you do, at least get started and write the darn list!