TIP 71
STOP THE GOSSIP
It is almost impossible to throw dirt on someone without getting a little on yourself.
Can’t resist passing on a juicy tidbit? Beware! As much as your friends and colleagues may love to hear the latest dirt on someone, secretly they can’t help wondering what you are saying about them when they aren’t around. No one really trusts a gossip. You will be missing out on the profound conversations that occur when someone trusts you implicitly. The rule here is to avoid talking about someone who isn’t present. Every time you do this, it’s gossip, plain and simple.
One of my standards (Tip 8) is not to gossip. Given my profession as a coach, this is imperative for my success in business. I also have a rule that people don’t gossip around me. One of my friends had a tendency to talk about the lives of people who weren’t present; in other words, he liked to gossip. A graceful way to steer the conversation away from gossip and onto something else is to say, “I’d rather hear about you.” This works most of the time and is very flattering. However, if this doesn’t work, you may need to be more direct and say, “I don’t feel comfortable talking about someone who isn’t present.”
You may wonder what the harm is in a little friendly gossip. Well, it can be both harmful and destructive. A friend and colleague of mine told me about a new direction she was going with her business; she was writing a weekly column. This was exciting news. When I saw a mutual friend of ours and she asked about her, I told her the good news about the column. Word got back to my friend, and she immediately called me quite angry that I was spreading the word that she was giving up her old career for the new one. She was not giving up the old career, and my seemingly positive comment could have negatively hurt her business. I immediately apologized for my misunderstanding and called our mutual friend to apologize too. I was very embarrassed to say the least.
All this would have been prevented if the person were present. She would have ensured that the correct meaning was conveyed. A big benefit of giving up gossip is that your friends will start to trust you. If you already have a reputation as a gossip, it will take a concerted effort to break the habit, and it may take time to reverse your reputation, but the rewards are well worth it. It is difficult to attract the best opportunities and people if you are a gossip or even participate in it at all. Gossip is seductive, not attractive. Take your pick.