the consequences of teens drinking in your home

it's always your responsibility to keep teens safe

Here's the Problem

Some parents believe that it's safer for their teens and their teen's friends to party with alcohol and drugs in their own home. Parents who subscribe to this theory believe that when teens drink at home, parents can teach them how to drink responsibly, develop good drinking habits, and keep them safe by taking away their car keys.

A study published in the Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs compared seventh graders from the United States, which prohibits underage drinking, and Australia, where adult-supervised drinking for teens is allowed. Time reported, “By the ninth grade, 36% of the Australian teens had problems with binge drinking or other alcohol-related issues such as getting in fights and having blackouts, while only 21% of the American adolescents did.”¹ So much for the theory that when parents “supervise” and give permission to allow teen drinking in their home, teens will become “healthier/safer” drinkers.

Why It's a Problem

First, IT'S ILLEGAL!!!! Many states have enacted social host laws that punish parents with fines and jail time when teens are found drinking in their home. Even if parents claim ignorance—either because they weren't home or they were home and didn't know (wink wink) that the 60 kids coming in and out of their house through various and sundry entrances were drinking—they're still liable

Moreover, think about the message it sends to the teens. A parent may say, “I give you permission to drink in our home so that we can keep you safe. I would rather you drink here than out in the woods.” But what the teen hears is “Yay, my parents said I could drink.” Teens do not distinguish between drinking at home and just drinking period! This gives your impulsive, fun-seeking teen an unintentional carte blanche to party anywhere, anytime.

Finally, and most important, allowing teens to drink in your home does not guarantee that they will be safe. Say a teen who has already partied somewhere else shows up at your house and is already three sheets to the wind. Now this individual is looking to finish out the night at your house, where drinking is allowed. It might not take much for this teen to black out and end up in a hospital emergency room. This happened to a parent over New Year's. She allowed her 16-year-old son to have a party with booze. She took the car keys away from the teens, breathed a sigh of relief that everyone would be safe, and went up to bed. Little did she know that one of the teens had passed out. Most of the kids thought he was just sleeping and left him alone. Thank God one responsible teen called 911. The teen had a blood alcohol level of .18, more than twice the legal limit. Good-bye New Year's Eve party, hello stomach pump.

Unless parents are psychic or make every teen provide a detailed medical history before they're allowed to drink in their home, they have no idea the baggage someone else's child may be bringing into their house. Perhaps one of the kids has a medical condition like diabetes and the alcohol/drugs trigger an insulin reaction. Maybe a teen is on a medication that when combined with alcohol causes a lethal reaction. These situations can be serious and potentially life-threatening. And finally, it's never another parent's right to give somebody else's child permission to use alcohol. This is an issue to be discussed between teens and their parents.

Here's the Solution

Never give your teens and their friends permission to drink at home. Teens think in black and white, and the message about drinking must be consistent and clear: “I do not want you to drink, and you're never allowed to drink in our home.”

If you're a parent who has allowed kids to party at your home, it may be time to look at the reason you made this decision. Sometimes parents love hanging with their teen's friends. It's fun! I get that. I loved my daughter's friends, and we often hung out. But we never ever drank or smoked pot together! Maybe hanging out with your teen's friends, drinking, and smoking pot makes you feel younger, cool, and hip. In an adult life that can often be stressful and boring, hanging with the teens can be very appealing. This is not a healthy choice.

Perhaps you are a parent who hates conflict. When your teen comes to you with a cockamamie idea to have a party at the house, you cave pretty easily. They're good at convincing you that it's safer for them to be able to drink in the house. You buy it hook, line, and sinker to avoid a fight. This is not a healthy choice. Looking in the mirror is not always easy, but look you must. A teen's life might be at stake.

For solutions to keeping teens safe at house parties, go to Chapter 40.

1. Alice Park, “Does Drinking with Parents Help Teens Drink More Responsibly? Not Really,” Time, April 29, 2011. Retrieved January 13, 2014, from http://healthland.time.com/2011/04/29/does-drinking-with-parents-help-teens-drink-more-responsibly-not-really/.