Put Away the Cape

Min-jun arrived in my office with every hair in place, his crisp cuff-linked shirt peeking out from his tailored suit. He successfully managed six client meetings in four countries and made it from the airport to my office in time. Mastering the travel puzzle was a source of pride. As Min-jun relaxed into discussion, he also confessed his exhaustion. Min-jun was ready to jump in front of or out of a moving train to get the results he craves. With his Superman cape tucked inside his blazer, Min-jun is always poised for action. He is frustrated (angry) if ever excluded from the epicenter of activity.

After 15 years at a breakneck pace Min-jun’s body was beginning to rebel (he was suffering from incapacitating back pain and pounding headaches). Finally, he was able to consider that his relentless control and presence was potentially problematic. Although Min-jun believed he was traveling the globe delivering systemic sunshine to clients and colleagues alike, when we examined the evidence, his inability to let others lead the charge meant he was often the cloud keeping his team in the shadows. We opted to rebrand Min-jun’s strength (within the confines of my office) as the magic touch rather than the strongest force. He wasn’t going to start shirking responsibility, but he was going to replace jumping to the rescue with standing by, ready to lend a hand, once others had a chance to try theirs. As a result, his team members gained greater exposure and took on more responsibility. They found more meaning in their work.

Being in Meetings Doesn’t Always Equate to Being Valued

Doron, the general counsel for a real estate firm, felt devalued and excluded. When clients were in the office, Doron would watch the CFO, head of sales, and other team members go into the conference room while he sat at his desk. Doron confessed to chatting up assistants to gain access to his colleagues’ calendars and then wallowed in self-pity as he tracked all the meetings he wasn’t invited to. He made good money, was consistently praised for clarity of thought, and was encouraged to continue to assert his leadership. How could he be considered a leader when he’s left out of so many meetings?

We reviewed the facts. No deal ever progressed without Doron’sinput. He was the go-to man whenever situations became tense. Doron was often consulted on matters of firm culture. He could be counted on to offer the contrarian view when the circumstances demanded a tough decision. And he was listened to! My coaching focused on performing a mental chiropractic adjustment. We needed to turn Doron’s head around and shift his perspective. What if he wasn’t being asked to endure endless preliminary gatherings because he was deeply valued? Doron often had an elegant solution to challenging business issues. What if it was important for the company and its constituents to wrestle with various scenarios before calling in the pro? This made sense; it fit the facts. Keeping Doron out of the room was strategically important. Treating him as a limited resource rendered his presence more powerful and made a difference. Doron came to appreciate that in his case, less was more.