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CALL PEOPLE BY THEIR NAMES

Ignite Attention and Recognize Individuality

I am not a number—I am a free man!

—PATRICK MCGOOHAN as Number Six, The Prisoner

Hearing your own name is a neural ignition key, activating attention and engaging you in the interaction to follow. Names acknowledge existence, provide an identity, and are a passport to services and opportunities. Denying a person his or her name withers humanity. The importance of having a name is so significant that it is delineated as a fundamental right in South Africa’s post-Apartheid constitution. Being named confers dignity and shines a light on us uniquely (if only for a brief moment). Learning the names of people at work demonstrates respect and confirms that they have been noticed and are valued as people. If you want to connect first, start by calling people by their names!

In many offices, everyone knows the boss’s name but those down the ranks don’t enjoy the same level of recognition, particularly support staff working in areas such as maintenance, dining facilities, and, ironically, receptionists—the very people responsible for knowing and announcing visitors’ names. Personnel from foreign backgrounds (no matter their seniority) are diminished and reminded of their difference when their given names are modified to align with the phonetic limitations of their colleagues. As Dale Carnegie observed, “A person’s name is the sweetest sound in any language.”

While working in Beijing, an American client asked my colleague Zhanna if he could call her Natasha because she’s Russian and it would be easier for him to remember. To knowingly misremember a name, especially when working in cross-cultural settings, privileges one group’s comfort over another’s. To learn a name, to truly recognize who’s around you, you must invest some intellectual capital. Not caring enough to ask or remember a name is an insidious slight that might not be meant maliciously but nevertheless can inflict insult and lead to interpersonal chasms.

THIS IS FOR YOU IF

•   You appreciate the importance of making an immediate personal connection.

•   There are lots of people who make your day more efficient, pleasant, or fun and yet . . . you refer to them as the “tall one” and the “guy with red glasses” because you don’t know their names.

•   There are lots of staff changes and everyone’s looking a bit lost.

•   You want to convey respect and dignity.

TAKE ACTION

Images   Get up from your desk now and walk for five minutes around the office. Do you know everyone’s name? Now’s a good time to ask.

Images   When introducing yourself, ask for the other person’s name. Always.

Images   Make sure people know each other’s names, whether in a meeting or walking a factory floor. When in doubt, make introductions.

Images   Try scribbling down names in a meeting according to where everyone is seated—it aids recall.

Images   Ask your colleague to share any history attached to a name; it will help you remember while providing a peek into his or her family story.

Images   Create contact cards on your phone for the people who provide services for you at work, include the cleaning crew and parking attendants. Until you get these names memorized, put a prompt in your phone that flashes as you are about to enter the office building at the start of the day.

Images   Sometimes a name is exotic for your ear. Enter the phonetic pronunciation into the person’s contact card so you can say the name properly.

Images   Make an effort—don’t institutionalize a nickname because it makes your life easier. Everyone has the right to a dignified name in the office.

KEEP IN MIND

•   There is no way to fake it. You either know a person’s name or you don’t, and at certain moments this knowledge will be invaluable. If you forget, apologize and ask to be reminded. You might want to describe when you met last, “I recall we had a lovely discussion about the sculpture in the lobby, but I’m afraid I don’t remember your name.”

•   No matter how jovial (or harmless you think you are), terms of endearment like “sweetie,” “honey,” and “love” are not appropriate for the workplace and should not be used in lieu of a person’s given name.

•   To avoid adverse reactions, remember that tone is important. You don’t want to suggest that you are asking for a name in order to report someone.

CASE STUDIES

Make a Mental Note

Following a successful client meeting, Wayne, the firm’s senior partner, singled out Arman to thank him for his contribution and asked his name. It was the fourth time. The first time Arman was flattered. In the second instance he was still basking in the glow of the earlier praise and was sympathetic to how hard Wayne worked, figuring he just had too much on his mind. The third time Arman started to get upset, and by the fourth round Wayne’s insensitivity was to be expected. Arman considered starting an office party fund. If everyone put in a dollar when Wayne asked a subordinate their name (for the fifth time) there was sure to be plenty of money for a great dinner. Wayne’s perfunctory, distracted interest in Arman undermined any good intention—he didn’t pause long enough to lock in the information offered. Don’t be like Wayne.

See and Name Everybody

In contrast, Dr. Anthony (Tony) Lechich spreads a special brand of medical magic around ArchCare’s Huntington’s disease unit. I joined Dr. Lechich on his Saturday morning rounds and listened as he greeted the receptionist by name, called out to the orderly by name, thanked the nurse, of course, by name, and introduced us to patients whose bodies were ravaged by a brutal illness but whose dignity was bolstered by their doctor’s personalized attention. When we stopped for a snack, Dr. Lechich asked the kitchen staff about their weekend plans, and yes, also addressed them by name. Around noon, a visiting pianist started playing in the cafeteria, and one had the sense we were witnessing a very special party in which all the wheelchair-bound guests were celebrating their chance to be together. Dr. Lechich’s ability to see and name everyone, no matter their role or disability, established a culture of respect, and communicated that the staff were not assembled to carry out tasks but rather to care for one another in this vibrant community.

Don’t Just Give Your Name, Ask for Theirs!

Sherice welcomed her guests in the waiting area, shook each person’s hand, and asked their names. She led them to the conference room and offered to get drinks. Three of the four potential business partners provided their orders. Upon returning to the room with their coffees she said, “I am Sherice Torres, marketing director of Google Commerce. So glad to meet you. We have about 52 minutes left of our meeting. How shall we prioritize?”

Mouths agape, the professionals in the room apologized for mistaking her for a receptionist and wasting her time, “We had no idea you were Sherice!” When recounting the story, Sherice questioned whether the disinterest in a mutual exchange of names was due to her accessibility (she met her guests personally at the door), her gender, or the color of her skin. Whatever the reason, the failure to ask Sherice her name provided a valuable glimpse into the character of the people pitching a future collaboration, and the impression wasn’t positive.

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