INDEX

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A

ABC model to challenge negative thoughts 92–93

Abundance mentality, 128–130

case studies, 131–132

Advocating, self-, 183–187

Age, 249, 258–263, 272, 274–275

AIDS/HIV, 51

Alternative thinking, 102–106

Altruism, 138

Anger, 168–171

Buddha on, 167

Anxiety, 76, 145, 149

Apology, 167–171

Appreciation

generous, 103, 129, 281

humorous, 151

infusion of, 75

lack of, 165

letter of, 22

for new-comer, 216–219

peer, 20, 22

praise and, 19, 20, 22, 143

productivity correlated with, 10

team leader, 20

“thank you,” 10–13, 184

verbalizing, 2, 11–13

Arguing, 104–106

negotiation vs., 183–187

Armstrong, Louis, 78

Arondekar, Milind Shankar, 269

Arrogance, 3, 14, 64, 139

Artificial intelligence, 275

Autobiographical listening, 39

B

Baby boomers, 249, 272, 274–275

Bailey, Andrew, 237

Bakish, Bob, 39

Barsade, Siga, 149

Becker, Carl, 253

Belonging

“Do I matter?,” 27, 31, 65, 108

fear of missing out, 53

group membership, 108, 204–210, 232

mutual creation, 231–237

Ben-Eli, Michael, 210

Betrayal, 170

Bezos, Jeff, 234

Bias, 222, 223

Blanchard, Ken, 111

Blecher, Taddy, 278

Boissonnas, Catrin, 78

Bowing, 81

Brain

clichés and, 85

laughter and, 149

right-, 83–84, 180

smiling and, 5

touch activating, 48

Branson, Richard, 193, 278

Brezsny, Rob, 72

Bridge-building, 226–230

guanxi, 134

Brooks, David, 278

Buddha, 167

Buddhist concept, 43

Buzzword, 174, 193

C

Cable, Daniel, 115

Cain, Susan, 40

Carducci, Bernardo, 216

Carnegie, Dale, 15

Cell phone

face-to-face vs., 5, 34, 63, 156

Chairless meetings, 121

Chatting, 216–219

Children, learning from, 5

Cialdini, Robert, 19, 227

Clean up, 56

Cliché, 85

Clients, remote location, 2

Clinton, Bill, 81

Clinton, Hillary, 81

Clique, 154

Clothing, 80

Coffee break, 55

Colleague

appreciation, 20, 22

complimenting, 19

criticizing, 177

as culture carrier, 235, 253–255

mood clues from, 43–44, 45, 160–166

peer mentoring, 234–235

rudeness, 3

Color blind vs. color brave, 251

Comfort zone, 200–202, 203

productivity and, 161–162

Command-and-control directives, 8

Community-in-a-Box, 252

Company culture, 147, 209

carriers, 235, 253–255

“Do I matter?” in, 27, 31, 65, 108

elephant in room, 188–192

massive transformation, 68–70

shared language of, 84, 229

upbeat atmosphere, 149

Company history, 253–257

Company speak, 84, 229

Compassion, 118

Competence, 138

Complaining Day, 146

Compliance

garnering, through curiosity, 101

social collateral and, 133–136

touching to secure, 48–49

via “please,” 7–9

via “thank you,” 10–13, 184

Complicators, 193–196

Complimenting. See also Praise

colleague, 19

in conversational pairs, 164

focus on, 77, 79, 139–140

opponents, 21, 143

over-, 141

sandwiched with criticism, 29

as tension-reliever, 186, 218, 251

Confidence, 139, 142

Contact cards, 16

Contractor workers, 207

Convening power, 232

Conversation gifts, 73

Conversational pairs technique, 164

Covey, Stephen, 39, 128

Credit grabbers, 20

Criticism

evaluative comment vs., 13, 21, 92

fear of, 30

feedback, 28–29, 30–31, 177–182

managing, 174

narcissist response to, 138–139

pearls of wisdom, 179

playing favorites via, 225

sandwich technique for, 29

saving colleague from, 177

Culture. See Company culture

Culture carriers, 235, 253–255

Culture of givers, 133

Culture of respect, 18, 21

Curiosity, 101, 154, 234

courageous, 199

outsider, 80

passionate, 97, 98

D

Day of Complaining, 146

Day-end silence, 46

Days off, 122

De Bono, Edward, 102

Deadlines, 110

gratitude for, 11, 13

requesting, 25–26

Déformation professionnelle (tendency to assess information through lens of one’s speciality), 172

Deighton, Paul Clive, 21

Details, attending to, 220–224

Dewey, John, 114

Dietary restrictions, 56

Digital communication, 5, 34, 63, 156

Disrespect, 2, 7–9, 31, 105. See also Eye contact; Respect

invisible support staff, 3

of subordinates, 14

Diversity. See also inclusion

color brave vs. color blind, 251

hiring, 222

minority-owned businesses, 267

nonworkplace, 226–230

persons of color, 223

skin color, 18

“Do I matter?,” 27, 31, 65, 108

Dopamine, 115

Dr. Phil. See McGraw, Phillip Calvin

Dr. Seuss. See Geisel, Theodor Seuss

Dreaming, audacious, 278–281

Duckworth, Angela, 184

Duggins, Kiah, 270

E

Eating, 57–58

coffee breaks, 55

dietary restrictions, 56

fleeing after, 56

lunch-hour productivity, 52

snacks, 53, 54–56

at work, 52–53

Ego, 137, 140–143

narcissist, 138–139

Einstein, Albert, 97

Elephant in room, 188–192

Elkins-Tanton, Lindy, 252

Email, 25–26 Emotional centering, 163

Emotional cues, 160–166

Emotional mirror, 161

Emotions, 2, 83–84, 160–166

anger, 167–171

fever pitch, 154

joy and happiness, 4, 53, 81, 128, 148–151, 225

limbic resonance, 72

voicing, 180

End-of-meeting, 120–127, 206

Entrepreneur, 86, 91, 200, 210, 215, 242, 250, 254, 259, 270, 274, 285

Epley, Nicholas, 39

Erceau, Damien, 49

Ethnic snacks, 55–56

Executive presence, 62

Expectations, 11, 34, 76

generational, 272

role, 110–112, 234, 262

scope creep, 123–124, 125

Eye contact, 35–37

interpersonal distance and, 5

intimidating, 75

“please” with, 8

F

Face-to-face apology, 168

Faith, 239

Faulkner, William, 195

Fear, 200–203

of criticism, 30

inclusive culture vs., 204–210

of missing out, 53

Feedback, 30–31, 177–182. See also Criticism; Praise

benefits of, 28–29

well-timed, 29

Fink, Larry, 264

First impressions, 78–82

Focus of attention

change through, 36

compliments and, 77, 79, 139–140

on details, 220–224

Food restrictions, 56

Forseke, Karin, 136

Frank, Kristin, 176

Fry, Art, 120

G

Garfinkel, Jayme, 97

Geisel, Theodor Seuss (Dr. Seuss), 264

Gen Z, 249

Genuineness

boss, 63

compassion with, 118

happiness with, 128

praise with, 19, 20

“thank you” with, 11

Germanotta, Stefani Joanne Angelina (Lady Gaga), 19

Gifts, 73, 169

Gladwell, Malcolm, 220

Glassdoor study, 10

Goals, 123–127

practical optimism toward, 238–243

strategic, social, practical, 220–224

Goleman, Daniel, 149

Goodman, Marian, 41

Gore, Al, 229

Gossip, 29, 66, 154, 188–192

office news, 5, 69

“Got it,” 23–24

Grant, Adam, 115, 133–134, 268

Gratitude

for deadlines, 11, 13

journal, 130

motivational impact of, 10–12

“thank you,” 10–13, 184

touch conveying, 48

Grit, 184

Group

discussion, 180

membership, 108, 204–210, 232

motivation, 162

mutual creation by, 231–237

Guanxi (establishing human relations to open doors for opportunities), 134

Gueguen, Nicolas, 49

H

Handshake, 80

Happiness, 4, 53, 81, 225

dopamine, 115

genuine, 128

workplace, 148–151, 279

Hertenstein, Matthew, 48

History. See Company history

HIV/AIDS, 51

Honesty, 177–182

Hosting skills, 211–215

Hugging, 49, 81

Humility, 168

Humor, 150–151

improvised comedy, 104

Humorous props, 74

I

Identity

group membership, 108, 204–210, 232

meaningful, 114–117

names, 15–18

new, 233

nonwork, 226

as overly passionate, 73

point of view and, 155–159, 164

shared history, 253–257

status quo vs., 271–277

victim, 76

If you feel it, they feel it, 161

Illocutionary force indicating device, 7

Improvisational comedy, 104

Inclusionary hosting, 211–215

Inclusive, 205

Inclusive community, 150

Inclusive culture, 204–210

Inclusive eyes, 164

Information access, 60, 65–66, 97–99

classified information vs., 67

massive change impacting, 68–70

timing of, 99

Informed perspective, 97–101, 236

Injustice collector, 94

Insecurity, 28, 102, 142, 161, 193

Instituto Rukha, 38

Integrity, 138

Interviewing, 156–157

Intimidation, 75

Introduction

access to personal, 15–18

as bridge, 228

to elephant in room, 188, 191

examples, 82, 113, 118, 171, 212

generous, 103, 129, 281

immediately following, 218

informal quick, 206, 223

to people different from you, 37

staff, 213

table captain making, 223, 224

team, 117

to you, 116, 230

Invisible support staff, 3

Ionesco, Eugene, 247

J

Jackson, Phil, 231

Jamison, Jayne, 10–11

Jargon, 195

Job titles/descriptions, 109–112

Joking, 74, 104, 150–151

Journal of gratitude, 130

Joy, 4, 53, 81, 128

of mutual creation, 231–237

in sharing the stage, 225

workplace, 148–151, 279

K

Kahneman, Daniel, 78

Keltner, Dacher, 5

Kniffen, Kevin, 53

Knott, Joe, 230

Koch, Ed, 30

Krawcheck, Sallie, 147

Kwong, Kenzie Lau, 51

L

Lady Gaga. See Germanotta, Stefani Joanne Angelina

Lamott, Anne, 91

Lao Tzu, 280

Laughing yoga, 150

Laughter, 53, 148–151

Learned helplessness, 66

Lechich, Anthony, 18

Legacy, 278–281

Leonardo da Vinci, 193

Letter of appreciation, 22

Letter of praise, 22

Levin, Lindsay, 158

Levine, Robert, 119

Limbic resonance, 72

Listening

autobiographical, 39

case studies, 41–42

eating while, 53

as full-body sport, 39–40

tour, 159

LGBT, 176, 242, 267

Loneliness, 216

M

Magnetism, 71–77

Makowsky, Russell, 196

Management by walking around (MBWA), 217

Manzar, Osama, 266–267

Massive transformation, company, 68–70

MBWA. See Management by walking around

McGraw, Phillip Calvin (Dr. Phil), 155

McLaughlin, Mignon, 172

Meaningfulness, 114–118

audacious dreaming, 278–281

status quo vs., 271–277

Meeting

access to, 90, 208

beginning, 163–164

participation boundaries at, 208

progress, 20

time, 120–127, 206

two pizza rule for, 234

Mental contrasting technique, 239

Mentoring, 234–235

Metcalfe, Max, 63

#MeToo movement, 48

Milestones, 144–147

Millennials, 8, 249, 272, 274–275

Minority-owned businesses, 267

Mistakes, 103

admitting, 167–171

growing from, 144–147

Modesty, 62, 64

Mood

boss, 63

clues to colleague, 43–44, 45, 160–166

facial signals expressing, 62

rudeness impacting, 9

smile impacting, 5

“thank you” to improve, 10

Motivation, 138, 192

feeling “less than” impacting, 29

group, 162

Oettingen on, 239–240

“thank you” as, 10–13, 184

Mutual creation, 231–237

N

Namaste, 81

Name cards, 223

Name prompts, 16

Names. See also Identity

acknowledging, 15–16

asking for, 17–18

nick-, 17

remembering, 16

Narcissist, 138–139

Negative remarks, 20, 280

Negative thinking, 92–96

corrosive, 91

Negotiation, 183–187

Networking, , 68, 72, 127

New-comer. See Strangers

News, office, 68–70. See also Gossip

delivering bad, 5

Nogueira, Wellington, 81, 115, 151

Noise, 47, 63, 87, 156, 230, 233

O

Odors, 74, 161

Oettingen, Gabriele, 239–240

“Only I can do this!,” 73–74

Opponents, complimenting, 21, 143

Optimism, 238–242

productivity and, 239

Outsider perspective, 172–176

Overcompliment, 141

Oxytocin, 48, 83

P

Passivity, 88

Patience, 89–90, 174

Pau, Jayma, 22

Pausch, Randolph, 188

Pay raise, 183–187

Peer

appreciation, 20, 22

mentoring, 234–235

Performance reviews, 20, 64, 163

feedback, 28–31, 29, 177–183

poor, 112

Perlman, Paz, 238

Persons of color, 223

Peters, Thomas, 217

Pfeffer, James, 114

Pham, Tiffany, 238

Phone

in-person vs., 5, 34, 63, 156, 168

name prompts, 16

Pink, Daniel, 83

Pinto, Christina Carvalho, 122

Please, 7, 9

eager to, 138, 192

in listener native language, 8

Policymaker, accessibility to, 229

Porath, Christine, 7–8

Post-it-note, 12, 120, 248, 281

Power in numbers, 231–237

Practical optimism, 238–242

Praise. See also Complimenting

fighting back with, 143

genuine, 19, 20

letter of, 22

Pride, as investment currency, 19

Productivity

appreciation correlated with, 10

emotional comfort and, 161–162

laughter and, 149

lunch-hour, 52

MBWA influencing, 217

meaningful, 114

optimism and, 239

time affluence vs., 119–120

upbeat atmosphere and, 149

Progress meetings, 20

Purposeful wonderment, 130

Q

Quiet time, 34, 43, 45

case studies, 89–90

day-end silence, 46

mental space, 44

noise and stress level, 63

R

RACI (Responsible, Accountable, Consulted, and Informed) Chart, 111

Radical emptiness, 43

Rangnekar, Ajit, 247

Rapid cognition, 78

Remote workers, 61, 122

Reputation, 133–135

by convening power, 232

Requests

managing and making, 25–26

unanswered, 25

Respect, 2–9, 14–17, 30. See also Disrespect

culture of, 18, 21

Right-brain, 83–84, 180

Rival turf, 132

Rivera, Mariano, 88

Robot, 169, 204. See also Artificial intelligence

Role

change, 34

clarity, 109–113

expectations, 110–112, 234, 262

Role model

case study, 242

host as, 214

senior, 31

Rosling, Hans, 99

S

Sacks, Jonathan, 204

Salary, 183–187

Sanseviero, Gerry, 144

Scarcity, 128–132

Schwartz, Barry, 124

Scope creep, 123–124, 125

Seating arrangements, 213, 223, 224

Self-advocating, 183–187

Self-doubt, 147

Seligman, Martin, 66, 240

Senior

millennial teamed with, 249, 272, 274–275

role model, 31

Service providers, 16

Shakespeare, William, 109

Shaming, 13

Sharing

accessibility, 266

information, 65

language, 84, 229

respect for humanity, 20

the stage, 225

success, 21

Sherman, Lisa, 176

Shyness, 74, 80, 217–218

Simplifiers, 193–196

Sinclair, Jeff, 82

Skin color, 18

Slapping, on back, 50

Small talk, 216–219

Smiling

authoritativeness vs., 6

brain impacted by, 5

Chinese proverb on, 4

overly cheerful vs., 6

Snacks, 53, 54–56

Social collateral, 133–136

Social media, 60

Space, 87–88

allowing, 89–90

in conversation, 206

mental, 44

radical emptiness, 43

Speaking

appreciatively, 2, 11–13

chatting, 216–219

conversation gifts, 73

direct, with team leader, 192

jargon, 195

native language, 8

negative, 20, 280

over others, 47, 76

pearls of wisdom, 179

in person, 5, 34, 63, 156

pyrotechnic, 42

requests, 25–26

shared language, 84, 229

shorthand, 40

Speech bubbles, 5

Spotlight-grabbers, 20

Srinivasan, Aravind, 279

Standing meetings, 121

Status quo

challenging of, 46, 231, 234

meaningfulness vs., 271–277

Storytelling, 83–86

abundance in, 130

Strangers, 216–219

Stress level

anxiety and, 76, 145, 149

compliment vs., 186, 218, 251

“Got it” vs., 23–24

gratitude vs., 10

information sharing vs., 65

laughter vs., 149

lightheartedness impacting, 148

millennial perception of, 274

minimal, 200

noise and, 63

role clarity impacting, 109–113

separation impacting, 266

smiling vs., 5

team, 3, 108

time-affluence vs., 119

Yerkes-Dodson Law, 201

Subjective perspective, 158–159

déformation professionnelle, 172

expanding, 155–157, 164

Success, 234

celebrating, 144–147

company history, 253–257

defining, 100

emotional cues as key to, 160–166

growing from mistakes, 144–147

praise for incremental, 19

sharing of, 21

social collateral for, 133–135

your legacy, 278–280

Superpower, 231–237

Supply chain, 267

Sutton, Robert, 168

Swahn, Fredrik, 136

T

Table captains, 223, 224

Tarfon, Rabbi, 271

Team leader

appreciation of, 20

direct conversation with, 192

direct reporting to, 143

Teamwork

baby boomer with millennial, 249, 272, 274–275

examples, 236–237

member introduction, 117

stress level, 3, 108

superpower of, 231–237

10/5 way, 5

Tenacity, 184

Terkel, Studs, 239

Thank you, 10–13, 184. See also Appreciation

Thich Nhat Hanh, 61

Thin slicing, 78

Thinking

ABC model of changing, 92–93

alternative, 102–106

negative, 91–96

rigid, 193

Tickell, Sophia, 237

Time

affluence, 119–122

feedback, 29

lunch hour, 52

meeting, 120–127, 206

for new information delivery, 99

quiet, 34, 43–46, 63, 89–90

two pizza rule, 234

Topping, Nigel, 229

Torres, Sherice, 18

Touch

gratitude through, 48

hugging, 49, 81

#MeToo movement, 48

Transformation, 3, 34

ABC model of, 92–93

company, 68–70

focus of attention and, 36

to superpower, 231–237

Transparency, 55, 111–112, 164

examples, 269–270

social media and, 60

societal and organizational, 264–265

Turf

entering their, 155–159

rival, 132

scope creep, 123–124, 125

war, 47

Twain, Mark, 19

Two pizza rule, 234

U

Unanswered request, 25

Upbeat atmosphere, 149

Urgent request, 25

V

Victim, 76, 130

Visualizing

negativity banishment, 94

opportunity, 98

speech bubbles, 5

Voice, tone of, 149

“please,” 8

for questions, 17

Vulnerability, 227–228

W

Wade, Anne, 237

Waheed, Nayyirah, 39

Waterman, Robert, 217

Welcoming, 211–215

Wicker-Miurin, Fields, 97

Wi-Fi code, 212

Winfrey, Oprah, 11, 128, 278

Women

authoritativeness of, 6

equal opportunity, 18, 96

#MeToo movement, 48

underrepresented communities, 222

WOOP (wish, outcome, obstacle, plan), 239–240

Y

Yerkes-Dodson Law, 201

Yoga, laughing, 150

Z

Zarrow, Laura, 147

Zuckerberg, Mark, 10