PREFACE

Corporate life assumes a convenient fiction: If we assign roles and responsibilities, create flowcharts and project plans, and delineate deadlines and deliverables, then somehow magically, coolly, and calmly, the work will get done.

Wrong!

The truth is that organizations are run by people, and people run on emotions. Our feelings supply the energy to fuel our pursuit of profit and purpose. They are formidable and universal. They can’t be ignored. Yet, to our great detriment, we have long pretended that emotions have no place in the office.

The future of work demands we recognize that emotions don’t make us weak. Instead, they are our power tool, they’re processed in the most primal, “animal” part of our brain, and they’re critical to our existence. Achieving in business is often falsely equated with being rational, and efforts to be emotionally expressive can seem to make us too vulnerable. What we need is a professional, practical way of establishing quality relationships by connecting first as fellow humans, and then as coworkers and collaborators. From this personal foundation, great teams are formed, and goals are realized.

I’ve been the psychologist in the corner office, conference room, and treatment center for more than 30 years. People seek my counsel when they want to win, and when they need to survive. As a therapist with a private practice, I listen to patients’ most private concerns and then—often in the same day—as a corporate consultant, advise on the managerial challenges of the world’s biggest brands.

Logging on, swiping in, showing up: Employees and their bosses are crying out for greater respect, inclusion, and meaning at work. CEOs or fresh graduates, office workers or telecommuters—regardless of role, all seek security, cherish praise, and fear shame. We care, and we want to matter.

This shouldn’t be surprising news. But what is shocking is how often we forget that our colleagues are people just like us. We become so easily enraged by that “other person” whose motives are unclear and whose reactions make no sense. It all gets so complicated, costly, and out of control when egos are bruised. People read each other’s minds incorrectly, bad intentions are assumed, and small slights balloon into career-derailing moments. Top performers quit, and even business owners want to leave the companies they built. We often have blinders on when it comes to our own behavior, and a magnifying glass when assessing offenses we have endured. It doesn’t have to be this way.

I have helped countless senior executives, middle managers, and entry-level employees become psychologically savvy about themselves and others. My clients succeed because I’ve increased their motivation and erased the excuses by sharing simple strategies to be a better human (person) at work.

From multinational corporations to mission-driven grassroots organizations, I’ve witnessed how being “natural” at work just doesn’t come naturally. Corporate titles and positions define us. We’ve lost the ability to really be ourselves. But it can be relearned. I know, because I have successfully taught many of the same lessons over and over and over again.

Connect First: 52 Simple Ways to Ignite Success, Meaning, and Joy at Work is a systematic expression of my three decades of experience as a clinical psychologist and corporate consultant. It’s a guide to unleash personal capacity, increase organizational effectiveness, and, for those who dare, drive large-scale change. Most of the suggestions in Connect First cost nothing and don’t take more than five minutes to implement.

Some of the recommendations may seem quite basic. That’s precisely the point! Because too often we get the “basics” wrong, success, meaning, and joy are sucked out of the modern workplace. Today’s speed of communication puts unprecedented pressure on personal conduct. The tiniest acts of disrespect can be transmitted broadly. Insensitive behavior can set off an interpersonal storm in your organization and beyond. By attending to the simple but significant moments between people, you will secure your reputation and experience the beauty of how easily and quickly relationships can be improved. We don’t stop there. Connect First will help you face the future with courage, take delight in the multitude of personalities you encounter, and position you for fruitful partnerships. We will build on the bonds you established to find new market solutions and drive social change. You will grow your personal and organizational influence. Connect First will take the mystery out of creating meaning at work, revealing everyday opportunities to make a difference in your immediate world and beyond.

Once you start approaching your job from the inside out, time expands and energy grows. It’s addictive and infectious; oxygen fills the room, the mood lightens, and people are drawn to you. You will laugh more and achieve greater results. You will experience joy.

That’s why I wrote this book: So you won’t need me, or a person like me; so you don’t repeat the same work drama over and over again; so your spirited inner self can propel you rather than paralyze you. I wrote this book to show you how work can be imbued with joy and meaning—to empower you to achieve success and significance.

THIS BOOK IS FOR YOU

Connect First is for everyone who wakes up in the morning and goes to work. It’s for the executive in the corner office and the team crammed in the cubicles. It’s for the budding entrepreneur and the aspiring scientist. It’s for the proprietor of a small shop on Main Street as well as the CEO of a tech firm in Silicon Valley. Many workplace improvement books are written for company leaders. The underlying assumption is that senior management of the organization is responsible for changing the way we work. I take a different view. We all have the power and responsibility to make a difference. I’ve written this guide to show you what’s possible.

Connect First will teach you how to transform our common human vulnerabilities into the basis of shared trust. We will silence the inner critic that continually questions your competence and will develop an abundant, generous perspective that prompts others to inform and include you more. You will develop the confidence to cut through organizational clutter and conduct conversations that dispel conflict and set shared goals. Start by adopting a winning mindset:

•   You have the power to change your world.

•   Organizational change starts with the individual and operates from the inside out.

•   No matter your role, how you show up makes a difference.

•   “Impossible” situations are often solved when people speak directly to each other.

•   Quality person-to-person moments shift group dynamics and transform organizations.

•   By focusing on what you and your coworkers have in common, you can better incorporate and appreciate diversity.

•   You can create the community you want to be part of.

•   In an increasingly automated, technology-driven world, there is an urgent need to stay connected to our humanity.

•   Seemingly “simple” acts can be hugely disruptive.

HOW TO USE THIS BOOK

The step-by-step guidance offered in Connect First is by far the cheapest transformation program that any employee, manager, or human resources director will ever come across. There are no costly assessments and no unrealistic expectations. Connect First gives you the advice you need—fast.

The book is divided into seven parts beginning with Establish Respect and concluding with Have a Big Impact. There are 52 chapters, each accompanied by examples drawn from my three decades of experience, questions to gauge the applicability of the recommendations to your situation, and suggestions on how to apply the concepts effectively. The ideas take just a few moments to implement, yet have a lasting effect. The choice of 52 was intentional, designed to provide the option of experimenting with one new technique each week of the year. Case studies are culled from different countries and from various vantage points along the corporate hierarchy.

Connect First is your personal guide. It can also be read with others. Managers and their direct reports can establish shared expectations by reading Connect First together. Participants in staff orientation sessions, team retreats, or executive training programs will all benefit from the methods contained in Connect First, which translates broad concepts about culture into actions you can take tomorrow.

My recommendations are supported by compelling research from a variety of disciplines, including neurobiology, management theory, linguistics, and philosophy. There are lessons from farmers, factory workers, financiers, company presidents, and the people who serve them lunch. Sometimes, the best advice comes from surprising sources, and, often, widely disparate vantage points lead to the same profound conclusions.

You can read the chapters in order, or you can jump in where you think you need the most help. Each entry stands on its own. You may find sections validating what you are already doing right. Excellent! Use these affirmations to bravely leverage (and, where appropriate, advertise) your strengths. Each skill you master fortifies you for the sections that pose more of a challenge. There will be chapters that make you smile—or cringe with recognition at yet another way in which you have become that person, the one who is less gracious, generous, and approachable than you would like. That’s OK—you’re here to learn.

Here’s a quick orientation. The chapters of Connect First are organized into seven sections:

•   Establish Respect. Messing up the basics is the most common and most easily fixed error. Get them right to set the stage for success.

•   Engage All of Your Senses. Knowledge is prized organizational currency. To be in the know requires that you do more than talk.

•   Become Popular. Increase self-awareness, become more interested and interesting, be sought after for opportunities. Learn to be a magnet. You don’t want to be left out.

•   Grow Loyalty. Tap into what matters to the people you work with. Uncork creativity, stimulate cooperation, and make the days fly by.

•   Resolve Conflict. Work is filled with frustrations: You’re angry; they’re angry. Clear obstacles and avoid unnecessary complications by naming and resolving differences.

•   Fight Fear. Manage anxiety and uncertainty by resisting the urge to turn inward. Instead, invite in new perspectives, build bridges, and learn to facilitate innovative discussions.

•   Have a Big Impact. Changing the world—or your slice of it—is possible when you learn to leverage your platform, no matter its size. Be recognized for what you have accomplished and how you made things happen. Be successful and significant.

A BIT ABOUT ME

Connect First: it’s the name of the book and my guiding principle, so I better set a good example and tell you something about myself, given that we will be spending some time together.

I live in New York City with my husband of more than 35 years. I met him the first week of university. He was the cute drummer. He still plays music, though his paying jobs have been in law, finance, and real estate. He’s got talent: I can’t even sing “Happy Birthday.” That’s why I am writing this book, not making a musical.

Our children are grown, but they assure me I have yet to mature. When the kids were small, we lived in Hong Kong and London. We all learned to pack light and still use matching carry-on luggage. They indulge me. I can be a bit too organized. Some call it obsessive.

Our home is overflowing with books. I still read on paper. It’s also usually filled with people—most of whom we know (but not always). We have twin black cats called Thunder and Lightning.

My grandparents were immigrants. My parents didn’t go to college. My sister was in the first class of women to graduate from Yale.

I have a doctorate in clinical psychology. I maintain a private practice in New York City where I see about 20 people a week in my office with corner windows looking south to the Freedom Tower and west to the Empire State Building. It’s the visual crossroads of history and the future. That captures my approach to change: be informed by but not beholden to the past, and keep your eye on what you can build tomorrow.

I’m an entrepreneur. I established Katzman Consulting 20 years ago to provide psychological expertise to organizations in transition, recovering from crisis, or seeking to grow impact. Along with a team of professionals (all trained in mental health), we facilitate strategy meetings, consult on corporate culture, and coach executives and the teams they lead. I’ve worked on six continents advising private and public companies, nonprofit institutions, and governmental agencies. I’m also a founding partner of the social enterprise, Leaders’ Quest. Launched in 2001, we convene diverse stakeholders and provide experiential programs for companies and coalitions that allow people from very different backgrounds to see, feel, and touch each other’s lives. We work in more than 24 countries and have 16 partners, 50 staff members, and approximately 40 associates. Our offices are in Mumbai, London, Berkeley, and New York. We see business as a force for good.

I’m an academic. I was on the faculty at the Weill Cornell Medical Center and was a senior fellow at Wharton Business School’s Center for Leadership and Change Management. When it comes to research, I track the narratives but want to see the numbers. Statistics courses were among my favorites.

I like to talk. I cocreated and cohosted the national radio show Women@Work on SiriusXM Business Radio. I’ve given more lectures around the world than I can count.

I’m endlessly interested in people and their stories, and I hope you are, too. You will find many case studies in the following chapters. Maintaining confidentiality is critical to my work. When I use a first and last name, that means the individual has given me permission to share their experiences. If you see only a first name, that’s an alias. The story is real, but the person’s identity has been protected.

Now that I have introduced myself, are you ready to begin? Let’s go!