10
SILENCE
Be Quiet Together
One cannot fill a cup which is already full.
—CHINESE PROVERB
Here’s a surefire way to improve the quality of your meetings. Don’t say anything for five minutes. Really. You can employ this technique to center colleagues at the start of a session, or at the end of a meeting to ensure that you reach a productive conclusion.
There is a provocative Buddhist concept called radical emptiness that in its simplest form encourages us to empty our minds of inflexible “facts” governed by ego and instead open ourselves to whatever is happening in the moment. We are all like cups, so full of preconceived ideas that there’s seldom room to fit in new knowledge. Entering a meeting, you peruse the room to assess who is sitting where. You check out which coworkers defined business casual as jeans and a nice shirt. Are your two assumed adversaries whispering to each other? Is it true there are layoffs looming? Your mind wonders until you yank it back to the agenda at hand, and then your thoughts really take flight. If the company proceeds with the expansion plan, you will have more work and no additional staff to deliver it, you won’t get any credit, and you’re still pissed off about not being adequately recognized for organizing this whole strategy event. Your mind is everywhere but in the present, and as a result, your ability to read the mood in the room—to connect to your colleagues—flits away as fast as the distractions are racing through your head. You’re disconnected, and the ensuing group discussion will suffer because there are 6 to 18 other people who, like you, have arrived with the necessary papers but not the requisite mindset.
During the past few years, meditation masters have been welcomed into the corporate world to train staff on techniques to quiet their inner chatter and become more mindful (attentive to the moment). Companies such as Apple, Google, Nike, Deutsche Bank, and HBO not only offer classes; in some cases, they have even built meditation rooms. While a full-blown initiative for brain clearing may not fit your budget or be to your taste, take a chance on shared silence. Help your group clear their thoughts and bond as they begin to breathe as one. At the start of a meeting, try welcoming everyone in, and then invite participants to join you in reflective silence. Offer your colleagues the opportunity to empty their minds, fill their chests with fresh oxygen, and tune in to the people around them. You can’t do this too often or it will seem trite, and the cynics will start arriving to your meetings a few minutes late. Used periodically, it is a very powerful tool to infuse fresh air into stale, tense, and unfocused office gatherings.
Studies show that inserting a few seconds of mental space between an event or stimulus and our response to it is the difference between an automatic aggressive reaction and a more considered and often collaborative solution. As a result, inserting silence at the end can be equally effective. If your meeting is run efficiently, the chair will ask the assembled to agree on next steps. If the past hour has been spent arguing your point, sneaking a peek at your incoming messages, or fuming silently about being cut off by the loudmouth to your left, the chance to take a few minutes of calm reflection will allow you to respond with more considered commitments. And for those who were listening in on conference calls with their phones muted while double tasking, the sudden silence will snap them to attention.
THIS IS FOR YOU IF
• It’s exciting for you to experiment with new approaches.
• You are leading high-performance teams brimming with ideas . . . and tension.
• Meetings are frustratingly ineffective.
• Everyone’s rushing into the conference room breathless, distracted, and ready to slip out early.
TAKE ACTION
Don’t advertise that you will be starting the meeting in silence. Welcome the group into the room (as usual), and then say, “To get fully ready for today’s discussion we will be doing something a bit different. We will be taking five minutes to be quiet together, to center ourselves as a group and make space for new ideas. Please put down your pens, mute your phones, and get comfortable in your seats. If you would like, you may close your eyes. Here’s a chance to breathe together and release tension with each exhale. Let any thoughts that come into your mind go in one ear and out the other. Practice focusing on your breathing.” After three minutes you can prompt participants to note how they are feeling, to tune in to the mood in the room. You can then offer another two minutes of additional quiet. Encourage your colleagues to sync their breathing with that of their surrounding coworkers.
Once the exercise is complete, invite any reactions. Don’t be surprised if some people express discomfort. That’s OK. Not everyone’s a buyer at first. Remain confident that some colleagues will express a sense of connection, a release of anxiety, and a readiness to work. Don’t push anyone; be patient and avoid judgment. Ask how the group feels now and inquire how they want to feel at the end of the meeting. These prompts will focus the group on how they will work together, not just what they will accomplish. Then proceed with the agenda.
If you flip the placement of the silence, inserting it just before wrapping up the meeting, be clear that this is not an indication that participants are free to leave. The value of the silence will be revealed once they have taken a breath and then moved on to agreeing to next steps. Unlike silence at the start, which invites a reflection, silence at the conclusion should lead directly into the wrap-up. Let your colleagues experience (not talk about) the effect.
KEEP IN MIND
• Resist making promises about the technique. Just do it.
• If you are in a group that is being invited into silence for the first time, keep from giggling (if you can help it).
• Meet another’s gaze with warmth. Don’t force people to close their eyes.
• You don’t have to be a senior executive to suggest a new approach to a meeting. Sometimes it’s easier to challenge the norm when you are the new kid in town.