Did I do a good job? Did I do a great job? Did I mess up as badly as I think I did? Why won’t anyone tell me? Insecurity undermines success. We need to know how we are doing. Giving (or receiving) corrective commentary cements relationships and deepens connections. Illuminating a colleague’s blind spot can bring meaning to your job. It’s very gratifying to observe the immediate, positive impact of well-placed feedback.
Direct feedback doesn’t come our way often, and, in its absence, we scan the faces of our peers, analyze the nuances in a note, and monitor whether we are included in the “right” meetings for clues about our performance. You’ve seen the glances when you enter the office. You surmise something is amiss, but no one is saying anything.
As a coach, I conduct interviews to obtain insights about the executive I am working with. Without fail, board members, managers, peers, and subordinates provide thoughtful commentary. Yet, when I ask, “Have you told the person directly?” the answer is “no.” Fear of conflict, limited time, and the concern that one’s perspective might not be valued jams the corporate GPS. Feeling lost? Wondering how you’re doing? You don’t have to hire an outside consultant. Make time with your colleagues and just ask!
Sometimes the fix to embarrassing behavior is easy. Security signs instruct us, “If you see something, say something.” If you applied this advice at the office, I would likely lose a lot of work. CEOs can negotiate multinational mergers, yet ask me to tell their subordinates to stop carrying legal briefs in a yellow knapsack.
• Supporting professional development is a daily goal.
• You are a keen observer of behavior, but a shy commentator.
• Gossiping is more comfortable than direct discussion.
• You ask other people to inform your direct reports about problematic activities.
• Annual performance reviews are the main times you share feedback.
Provide feedback early and in private if possible. Well-timed feedback, presented as a potential hypothesis, can be more valuable than information offered too late because you were gathering all the evidence “to be sure.”
Assume the best intentions of the other person. Focus on the behavior and give specific suggestions for improvement.
Ask for feedback. Don’t be the last person to find out how you are doing. Ask others what words they use to describe you when speaking to peers.
Offer criticism sandwiches: begin with a compliment, layer in some suggestions, and end on a positive note.
Remember that those in esteemed positions will value your feedback if provided appropriately. As one of my clients shared, “Once I became famous, I could no longer touch my world. I spoke mostly to the eight people in my executive suite (that became an echo chamber).”
Try to “feed forward.” Provide information on how to do better next time instead of focusing on what was done wrong in the past.
• Remember that making others feel “less than” is a motivation killer. Don’t refer to your success when sharing commentary on someone else’s performance.
• Give as well as receive feedback with grace. If someone offers feedback, it’s valid to them. Say “thank you” even if you don’t agree.
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