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BANK SOCIAL COLLATERAL

Give Now to Succeed in the Future

I encourage my clients to build social collateral. You don’t want to be overdrawn at the moment you need help. Build up a positive balance. I’m not suggesting tit for tat, or a transactional approach to relationships. I am asking you to think more about what you can do for others than what you can get in return. It feels good and it’s good for you. In the previous chapter we discussed the importance of an abundance mindset and the advantage of making generosity your default. This chapter goes deeper into that discussion.

“As a leader of a growing team or company, the single most important thing you can do to ensure your success is to invest in building a culture of givers,” says Adam Grant, author of Give and Take. Nice guys don’t finish last. “It’s good to help others. That’s news?” asked a friend of mine, after attending a community talk given by Dr. Grant. Sadly, yes. Advancing one’s own agenda frequently trumps assisting others. Time poverty is the usual excuse, and yet many acts of great import to your peers take just a few moments. Making a well-placed introduction, pointing a colleague to pertinent research, or sharing an invitation to a relevant, but lesser known professional conference all take about five minutes. When working in highly competitive environments, it’s tempting to assert your status by gobbling up or guarding limited resources. Resist.

People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. That’s a key reason to connect first. To gain an audience for your ideas, first capture your coworkers’ hearts. The importance of anticipating a colleague’s needs—intuiting what he or she needs even before that person may know—underpins the ancient Chinese concept of guanxi. You can’t simply ask, “How can I help?” You have to watch carefully to determine proactively what might be useful. Guanxi translates into “establishing human relations to open doors for opportunities.” It’s a long-term investment in your reputation that extends beyond any job.

THIS IS FOR YOU IF

•   You want to sleep well at night and feel even better during the day.

•   It’s time to invest in your future.

•   Things are going well for you.

•   You think greed is good.

TAKE ACTION

Images   Build a network of goodwill by paying it forward. Do a five-minute favor for anyone who asks. Yes, anyone.

Images   Try being generously attentive to those with whom you are in conflict. It may seem counterintuitive—it’s hard and destabilizing but very effective. Our opponents are often the ones we watch most closely, so you are likely an expert in what they need. Rather than compete, reverse tactics: offer to help.

Images   Don’t sit passively during company meetings. Did your colleague, boss, or junior team member just present an important idea? Identify at least one thing that’s easy for you to do to help that person achieve their vision. Don’t wait to be asked. Tell them what you have in mind.

Images   Do not assume a coworker has it all under control. Offer to help. Allow the recipient of your offer the privilege of saying no.

Images   Sign up for Givitas (cocreated by Adam Grant, Wayne Baker, and Cheryl Baker) at https://go.giveandtakeinc.com/granted. It’s a software platform on which employees can ask for help and offer to solve real problems.

KEEP IN MIND

•   Self-interest and ambition can coincide with generosity.

•   If you are keeping a mental scorecard, you aren’t really relaxing into the power of generosity.

CASE STUDIES

Don’t Get Mad, Get Dinner

During a coaching session, Frank related that he wanted to throttle Carmine, the sales rep who bypassed Frank’s authority and went directly to his team for information. “Who does he think he is? Our group is already working long hours. Carmine can’t just push his way in and demand to get a response. He’s a notorious bully.” When I probed, a more compassionate response emerged. Frank realized that his department was underserving the needs of those in the field. Rather than pick up the phone to register his fury as he initially intended, Frank asked his colleague to meet for a drink, and together, they brainstormed better ways to partner. This allowed Frank to anticipate Carmine’s needs and offer solutions.

Once Frank expressed interest, Carmine’s shoulders dropped from around his ears and his tone softened. Carmine explained that the traveling reps who reported to him were frequently on the road and felt cut off from the home office. Even when they were in town, they didn’t have easy access to the people who supported them. Frank agreed to organize meals when the sales reps were in town, and surprised Carmine’s group with invitations to impromptu office activities. What could have been a companywide conflict became the basis of an enduring friendship, and Frank’s reputation was sealed with those in the field as the guy who cared, rather than the one who failed to deliver the data when needed.

A Swedish Secret

Making expectation-free deposits into the social repository is more than doing a series of favors, it’s a mindset, a way of life. A longstanding client of mine, Karin Forseke, sets a wonderful example. I first met Karin when she was the COO of the London International Financial Futures Exchange (LIFFE). Karin went on to become the CEO of Carnegie Bank and the chair of Alliance Trust. She has held multiple board positions, and was the deputy chair of the Financial and Securities Authority (FSA) in London. The list goes on. Impressed? I certainly have always been. Upon meeting Karin, you readily appreciate her formidable focus on fairness and profit. She’s smart, connected, and informed. It’s easy to be daunted by her accomplishments, yet Karin consistently does more for you than you could ever have considered asking. As one of the most senior women in banking, Karin has been thrust many times into the often-critical public eye. She once asked for directions to the grocery and that made news in Sweden. How could Ms. Forseke advise the finance minister if she doesn’t know where to buy milk?

Despite efforts to discredit her, Karin’s spirit has not been submerged. Her method for survival? Karin has a clear mission and an unswervingly generous approach to the world. She’s constantly on the lookout to praise, promote, and do for others. As a result, Karin has amassed many loyal supporters who continually bear witness to her best intentions—true believers who are ready to counter any bad press. For Karin’s birthday, Swedish musician Fredrik Swahn wrote a song entitled “In Totality” that captured Karin’s ethos. “You can’t separate who you are from what you do and who you do it with, so it’s best to celebrate the whole of you and the totality of us.” Who can argue with that?

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