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TELL STORIES

Connect by Hacking Your Colleagues’ Right Brains

Stories stimulate oxytocin, the neurochemical that motivates cooperation. Telling stories evokes emotions, enhances empathy, and increases connection. Stories are a primal form of communication dating back to when our “flat screens” were cave walls. Through stories we share passions, hardships, sadness, and joys. Narratives help us find meaning.

Neuroeconomist Paul Zak’s research indicates that, biologically, we process stories as if they were real experiences. The listener is feeling and bonding with you. Telling a story in a 1:1 meeting, during a group discussion, or from the stage invites your listener to travel with you back in time or into the future. Sharing a story is a way of saying, “I’m going to trust you with a piece of myself.” When you lead with authenticity, others are inclined to follow. The clothes you wear to work is the outline. The stories fill you in as a real person, someone colleagues can relate to, learn from, and befriend.

Stories provide order. Humans seek certainty, and the narrative structure is familiar, predictable, and comforting. Within the context of a story arc we can withstand intense emotions because we know that resolution follows the conflict. We can experience with a safety net. We can listen, absorb, and take in new information without the usual defenses that our logical self asserts.

Work presentations, with their statistics, metrics, and numbers, have traditionally appealed to the left side of the brain. That’s changing. As Daniel Pink, author of Drive, writes, “Right-brain dominance is the new source of competitive advantage.” Rational engagement is based on the stimulation of the mind, whereas emotional engagement is created in the heart. Effective storytelling penetrates our work armor and allows us to establish the personal connection first. Then we can get down to business.

THIS IS FOR YOU IF

•   Everyone in this room seems so different. Time to connect as “humans.”

•   Making a slide deck is your go-to move when asking for resources or just a little help.

•   You present as being “all buttoned-up,” and people find that boring.

TAKE ACTION

Images   Stop and think, Why do I care? Let the audience hear your voice, not “company speak.” Don’t be afraid to go off script if recent events in your home, office, or the news have touched you and are relevant to the message you want to convey.

Images   Find a short story from your personal life and tell it to a friend first to be sure it hits the right notes before going public.

Images   Practice strategic vulnerability. Remind your coworkers or audience that although you may have designed a beautiful exterior life, your success grew out of mistakes that were the same or worse than theirs. You don’t have to turn your speech into a therapy session, but no one believes (or likes) someone who is perfect—so don’t project yourself as always having it all together.

Images   Stop and think, Why should they care? When asking the management committee to dedicate more funds to product development, don’t detail all the reasons why the current system is failing. Instead paint a (true) picture of reduced frustration and more immediate profit from their investment.

Images   Engage the listener’s senses by describing what you saw, heard, or even tasted during the experience you are sharing.

KEEP IN MIND

•   Remember, your story has to be authentic—and not too long-winded or self-congratulatory.

•   Our brains are wired to ignore certain overused words and phrases, so get rid of the clichés to avoid losing your audience.

CASE STUDIES

Tell Them About Being a Gang Member

“Would you hire you?”

Drew was preparing his pitch to human resources executives. He had developed a program to place college dropouts into jobs typically filled by university graduates. Drew was looking for the hook. He was trying hard to appear knowledgeable even though he was new to the world of recruiting. “I think I will begin by asking the audience, ‘Would you hire you?’” His rationale was that most employers are setting a higher standard for applicants than they themselves could have met when they started at their jobs. Nah, that wasn’t going to do it. Puts them in their heads. OK, how about sharing stats on the number of violent crimes committed by the unemployed? Nope, they’ll tune out. What if he started with “Why”?

Drew opened with a personal story. He was a high school athlete, strong and well respected on the street. So . . . he was recruited to sell drugs. He joined a gang. He went to jail, fortunately, for only a short period of time. When he was released a friend of his coach gave him a chance. Without a college education he trained to become a trader on the London Stock Exchange. He made an honest living. Work changed his life, and the lives of his mom and his sisters. Now he’s a proud dad, married for more than a decade. Drew stood before the group, polished, accomplished, and articulate, but you wouldn’t have known about his journey from athletic star to gang member to trader—unless he told you. The HR directors were captivated. When they heard about how Drew transformed his life, they wanted to help him as well as the applicants in his novel program.

Don’t Be Afraid to Go Off Book

Getting invited to the startup conference was a real coup for Omera. She had 8 minutes to give her pitch, followed by a 30-minute panel discussion during which she shared the stage with four other female entrepreneurs. There would be prize money. She practiced and practiced. The facts and figures flowed with ease. Omera was proud of her rapidly growing blow-dry business that recruited, trained, and employed women from underprivileged backgrounds. She delivered her pitch with precision. But that’s likely not what won the hearts of the audience who voted for Omera to receive the 25,000-euro prize. She anticipated that the moderator would ask about her reason for starting the salons, so she prepared an answer referencing the business school project she had worked on, her love of exercise, and her inability to pay for hair care after her daily workouts.

But then . . . in the moment, Omera went with her heart. Her real motivation was the shame she felt when her single mother couldn’t find a job and ultimately swept the floor in a hair salon. For more than a decade it was a clean, safe, and dead-end source of employment that never elevated the family’s finances. Omera went to school on a scholarship. She tried to distance herself from her modest roots. On the panel, in the spotlight, she shared what really mattered to her. Telling her story so publicly reconnected Omera to the meaning driving her work and connected her to her audience.

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