RULE 19

Being tidy isn’t as important as you think

When I first met my wife (at which point she wasn’t my wife, obviously) I can remember being somewhat intimidated by her house. I have this memory of tables with almost nothing on them, clear work surfaces, vast open tracts of flooring with not a speck on them. You could pick up any object in my wife’s house and ask her where it lived, and she could tell you. Yes, everything – and I mean everything – actually had a place where it was supposed to go.

This was a pretty new concept to me, I can tell you. I always belonged to the drop-it-on-the-floor-and-don’t-give-it-a-second-thought school of domestic organization. I must confess that, when we decided to have children, I privately worried about how my wife would cope. I knew that her style of housekeeping wasn’t compatible with the kind of relaxed, easy-going children we both wanted.^*

In the event she adapted admirably, as many parents do. But not all manage it. Some persist, like Canute,^** in trying to hold back the tide of mud, grime, mess, dust, books, toys, clutter and disorganization that come as standard issue with children. And that new category of objects that you can’t ever put away because you have absolutely no idea what they are, so there’s no hope of working out where they belong.

There are only two options here. Option one is to drive yourself increasingly round the bend neurotically trying to do the impossible and keep the house tidy, while turning your children into tense and stilted pseudo-adults who aren’t allowed to behave naturally and have never worn shoes indoors. Option two is to give in, chill, relax, let up, allow your kids to be kids, and have a happy household with easy-going, laid-back kids despite the occasional muddy floor or messy room. I think we both know which is the Rules way.

I’m not saying that children should never tidy up after themselves. But let them enjoy themselves first and then clear up afterwards. It doesn’t matter if the kitchen table is covered in finger paints, or their trousers are covered in mud. It all washes off. It does matter if they’re not allowed to relax and have fun.