RULE 57

Don’t try to have a perfect child

Rule 2 was about you not being perfect. Well, now it’s your child’s turn. If you try to bring up your child to be perfect you will, quite obviously, fail. You’ll also put them under unfair pressure and, as we Rules parents have worked out by now, it’s all too easy to pressurise our children and it’s a Bad Thing.

In any case, who wants a perfect child? In fact, more to the point, what is a perfect child? I can’t imagine such a thing. Every child I’ve ever met who was impeccably behaved and never put a foot wrong, strove to please their parents and their teachers, worked hard at school and always handed in their homework on time, was the most boring characterless little prig imaginable.

All the kids I’ve liked the most, who have had the biggest and warmest personalities, have been wonderfully flawed. They’ve all had an overly mischievous tendency, or a temper when riled, or a sense of humour that sometimes went too far, or a lazy streak (that they generally made up for with charm). I’ve known countless fabulous kids over the years, who have grown up into terrific adults, but I couldn’t say, hand on heart, that any of them was perfect. Thank goodness.

Children aren’t supposed to be mini grown-ups. They’re meant still to have all those imperfections that growing up is intended to eradicate. If you had them perfect by the age of 10 you might as well send them off then to be merchant bankers. You’d have defeated the purpose of the next few years. Childhood is for being a child and, privately, I always think kids turn out best if not quite all those early imperfections disappear. Who wants an adult child who never has a mischievous twinkle in their eye, or a hint of impetuosity, or a daft sense of humour, or a bit of wild adventurousness left in them?

The only kind of child it’s worth aiming to raise is a child who is able to indulge their own individual personality with self-assurance, and has the understanding not to hurt other people in the process. That’s as good as it gets. And that covers an awful lot of kids, I’m pleased to say. And I’m sure none of them is perfect.