RULE 5

Almost any rule can be broken occasionally

We all know that there are rules and systems and procedures and policies that must be followed if you’re a parent. You know the sort of thing: don’t feed them junk food, don’t let them stay up too late, don’t let their eyes turn square in front of the TV, don’t allow them to swear until they’re old enough (before you ask, see Rule 83).

What we Rules parents also understand is that there are very few rules that you can’t break with a good enough reason. OK, you’re supposed to feed them good healthy food and the recommended ‘5 a day’, but when you get home tired after a long day, it’s not the end of the world to give them fishfingers for once.

It’s just a matter of thinking through what’s the worst that can happen if you break this rule. Sure, if you break the rule about doing your seat belt up in the car the worst is pretty dire, so best keep to that one. But if you skip the bedtime bath because you’re all exhausted – well, come on, how bad can that be?

Remember, this section is about Rules for staying sane. And the point of this Rule is to recognize that it’s more important for your children to have a sane, relaxed parent than it is never to eat a fishfinger. Some parents make life far too difficult for themselves by thinking that it’s essential to stick to every rule at all times. They beat themselves up over some tiny thing.

We once took two of our children for a day out that started with a steam train ride. The youngest was only a few weeks old, and the other was 2. It was only when we got out of the car at the station that we realized that the 2-year-old had no shoes. Now, of course, there’s an unwritten rule that you don’t take your children out for the day on steam trains without any shoes. We had two choices: abandon the train ride, or go ahead in bare feet. The 2-year-old, of course, favoured option two and headed for the train determined to vote with his feet.

That left us with two further choices: beat ourselves up over it, or go with the flow. Well, as you and I know, the only sensible Rules choice is to let it go. Either we – and our 2-year-old – enjoy a fun barefoot day out, or we get stressed over something we can’t change and ruin his day as well as our own. It was one of those times when a rule has to be broken (but, of course, not the best day to break the ‘have a bath before bedtime’ rule as well).

So the moral of the story is, if you insist that every rule has to be followed every time, you’re breaking Rule 5. Ha!