RULE 62

Let them entertain each other

Any parent with only one child will know that it can be very hard work. You have to be their entertainer, best friend and playmate as well as their parent because, most of the time, there’s no one else to do those jobs.

Once you have more than one child, however, they can perform those roles for each other, leaving you free to get on with being their parent (and, hopefully, putting your feet up with the paper occasionally). You are not copping out when you do this. Quite the reverse.

It’s much better for your children to entertain each other than for you to entertain them all the time. Of course that doesn’t mean you’re never allowed to play with them, but it’s very rarely as equal as we think. Generally you’ll be coming up with more ideas than them, or at least guiding their ideas. And if you don’t do that, you’re letting them have their own way without learning to compromise. You can’t win, see.

Siblings, on the other hand, can play together equally. Sure, one of them may be the dominant of the two while the other gives in most often (the more siblings there are, the more complicated the interactions become), but you have to leave that to them. You can’t change their inherent character, and you’ll probably find that when they’re finally grown up, the one that always backed down will be the better diplomat and team player. So don’t be tempted to interfere to redress the balance. It’s their stuff, and they’ll sort it out their way, squabbles and all.

Some parents have one child who wants to play with their sibling, while the sibling likes to be left alone. Short of having another child just to solve the problem (which it will, if the gap’s not too big), this is still something you have to let them sort out among themselves. They’ll end up compromising – your loner will become a bit more gregarious, and your socialite will learn to amuse themselves. That can’t be a bad thing now, can it?

So don’t feel guilty about that cup of tea and a paper with your feet up,^* because you’re doing the best thing for your kids by butting out and leaving them to entertain each other.