RULE 12

Love is not enough

How many times have you heard the cliché, ‘The most important thing you can give your children is love’? Well, yes, obviously love is essential. I think we’ve all worked that one out. But if that was all you gave them, they would be missing out badly.

Hippy-style parents (I know about them – I was one once) often seem to imagine that children should be allowed to run wild and free with the wind in their hair and the earth beneath their feet, happy because they know you love them. You should never try to restrain them (you’re controlling them) or limit their behaviour (you’re putting metaphorical bars around them).

Excuse me a moment.

Ah, that’s better. I’ve just been to throw up. Back again now.

I used to live in Glastonbury so I’ve watched my share of hippy children grow up like this. Once they reached adulthood they struggled to find their way in the real world, and struggled to have grown-up relationships with friends and workmates. Some of them struggled to gag down a normal meal having been fed entirely on sprouting chickpeas for 18 years. I even know a couple who moved abroad to escape from their parents.

Yes, yes, yes – you have to give your children love. But there are a few other things you have to give them too: discipline, self-discipline, values, the ability to form good relationships, a healthy lifestyle, a range of interests, a decent education, a broad mind, the ability to think for themselves, an understanding of the value of money, the skills to be assertive, the ability to learn – and the occasional haircut.

Hey, nobody said it was going to be easy. You took on a big job when you had kids, and it’s going to be hard work for the rest of your life. No good thinking all you have to do is love them and you can tick the ‘I’m a great parent’ box. Letting them do what they want when they want is not good for them so you have to get involved and that means your blood, sweat and tears. But hey, look around you; plenty of parents are getting it right so it can’t be that difficult – but you do have to recognize that you’ve got a big task ahead of you. Lucky, really, that you’ve got 18 years to get it all done.