RULE 21

Keep your worries to yourself

If your children are ever going to take risks, you’re bound to worry. It goes with the territory. You’ll worry when they climb trees, you’ll worry when they learn to drive, you’ll worry when they go off on holiday without you. In fact, even if you never take any risks, you’ll still worry. You’ll worry when they are out of your sight for the first time, you’ll worry when they start school, you’ll worry when they go for their first sleepover, you’ll worry when their cheeks are flushed and their temperature won’t come down, you’ll worry when they have exams.

What you have to remember is that you’re not the only one. Your kids worry about all these things too. Your little one may be terrified of starting school, your teenager may be incredibly nervous of going on holiday, but determined to make themselves do it.

Your job is to reassure them. Give them the confidence to go ahead. Make them feel that everything is fine. It’s a bummer, eh? There you are, fretting away with your stomach full of butterflies, and you’re supposed to smile placidly and make out it’s all fine. Yep, that’s the job, I’m afraid. It’s tough, but somebody’s gotta do it. And that somebody is you.

Your only consolation is that you can go and dump on another grown-up. Your partner maybe. Or, better still, your parents. Because even at your age, their job is still to tell you it’s all going to be fine when you’re worried sick.

And while we’re on the subject, try and stop yourself saying ‘Be careful’ every time your child steps out of the door. Not only does it imply a lack of trust in your offspring, but a child who is told to ‘be careful’ when they carry something fragile is much more likely to drop it than if nothing is said. ‘Be careful’ can start to make a child think something is about to go wrong. A Rules parent thing to say would be ‘Have a good time’ or ‘Enjoy yourself’. And you are a Rules parent now of course.