If you’ve recognised that your relationship with your Mum needs some extra attention, then good for you. The advice that follows is split it into three parts. One for those who scored under 4, one for those who scored from 4 to 7 and one for those who are an 8 plus.

Under 4

If you scored under 4, you’ve probably got a fairly deep-rooted issue to deal with. Your priority then is not to try to score 10, but just to aim to get a few more points and edge things gently in the right direction.

You are who you are today because of how you interpret the world around you. What may seem like a difficult relationship with your mother to you may seem completely normal to someone else. That’s why there is no set way to improve this relationship, but there are some things you can do that will have an immediate effect.

Start talking

If you have some resentment towards your mother (or vice versa), it’s worthwhile taking the time to explain how you are feeling. Most importantly, DON’T look for an explanation, an apology or solution, just share how you feel. It’s a powerful first step.

Remember the good times

If you choose to dwell on the bad times your focus will ultimately end up on the bad times. Remember, you get what you focus on. Choose to remember the good – there will be some.

Use an intermediary

Often an aunt/uncle or family friend can be of help if you are having challenges communicating directly.

Or it may be that you don’t want to have a relationship with your mother. My wife has chosen that road and she’s very happy. She always saw her grandmother as the person she would call Mum after her natural mother chose not to raise her. She’s very comfortable about this and would never let it affect her Family Wheel of Life.

4 to 7

My guess is at least you’re speaking. Perhaps you gave yourself this mark because you don’t seem as close to your mother as you could be or you haven’t seen her as often as you’d like.

Remember, it is a mother’s job to worry unnecessarily and be overly concerned with the smallest of things. The intention behind any apparent interfering is very likely to be concern on Mum’s part; she’s not really meddling, she’s just showing how worried she is. It’s just that that her ‘concern’ is driving you nuts!

Here are four tips for you to help you get on better with your mother in these kind of situations:

1. Give her some significance. Often when mothers are seen to be intrusive it’s because they no longer seem to be relied on. By giving your mother (or mother-in-law) some significance you can often help her to cut down on the amount of ‘interfering’ she does.
2. Give them a role. Mothers love worry, so give her something important to worry about or take responsibility for.
3. Call them for no other reason than to say: ‘I just called for a chat.’ Then ask her lots of questions.
4. Tell her you love her. Mums never tire of hearing it and if you haven’t said it for a while then now is a good time to do it.

8 plus

So, your relationship is pretty good but you want it to be brilliant. Yes? OK, here’s what you can do. Simple ways to get bonus marks with Mum.

• Take your Mum shopping and don’t be in a hurry. Or do anything she enjoys without being in a hurry. Mums often feel their children don’t have the time for them and are rushed around.
• Don’t wait for Mother’s Day. Have something special delivered. Find something other than flowers – everyone does flowers.
• Arrange a weekend away. It may be a quick trip for you but mums will love the build-up, adore the time and delight in the memories.
• Find an old family video film (or ‘cine’) and have it put on to DVD, then arrange a special showing. You’ll be amazed at how much you have all grown up.