It’s a father’s role to embarrass his children at every available opportunity. I said I would never do it but suddenly found I was getting the ‘Dad, you are sooo embarrassing!’ line. I don’t know how it happened but what I did learn is that there is no such thing as being a cool Dad. So, with that in mind, and writing as a Dad, I’ve got a few thoughts on this one.

If you’ve hit rock bottom . . .

Let’s start with the very low marks. If you’ve hit rock bottom with this one you either have seriously strong negative feelings towards your father, you don’t see him or both.

So, what if you just don’t see him? The first question is: ‘Do you want to do something about it?’ You may be very happy not having a father in your life. But if you do then step one is a tough one. How do you make contact? I had a friend in this situation once, so I suggested she write a letter. Good idea but after four weeks she still hadn’t written anything and the reason? ‘I don’t know how to start.’

So, here’s an idea for an opening paragraph:

Dear Dad

It’s not easy for me to write this letter and I am guessing it’s not easy for you to read it. But I had to write because I believe you and I have a few things we need to sort out to make both of our lives happier.

And here are a few thoughts on what should come next:

• a positive paragraph about where you are now
• a few lines about what was good about your relationship
• a very clear section on what you want – be specific
• a final thought.

If the relationship is strained

If you are doing OK, but not brilliantly, then here are some thoughts for you:

• Organise a Dads’ and lads’ or Dads’ and daughters’ day. This is a day for just the two of you. It should be interesting for you both and as far away from normal life as you can make it. The fact that it isn’t like normal life gives you both something in common and if you’re out of your comfort zones together then that can help.
• Don’t prejudge how your Dad will react to this suggestion – it could be one of your best days ever.
• Make a fuss. Dads love having a fuss made of them – they say they don’t, but they do.
• Listen to their ramblings. Dads have a unique ability to be able to ramble on and on. Their kids often feel the urge to finish sentences for them. Bite your tongue, as this is a surefire way to make Dads feel less than special.

If you want it to be brilliant

So, your relationship with Dad is really good but you want it to be brilliant!

Here are nine ways to get bonus marks:

1. Take him to the races, the airshow or anywhere else you know he’d enjoy himself.
2. Tell him you love him.
3. Teach him a skill.
4. Be extra patient.
5. Ask him to come round to your house.
6. Do one of his jobs – without being asked.
7. Ask him to help you with something practical.
8. Play a sport together.
9. Ask him to teach you to do something he’s good at.