Welcome to the Relationships Wheel. Your relationships with others have a huge impact on your well-being. It is extremely important that you are able to identify good and bad relationships and, in turn, nurture the good relationships and either work on or discard the more challenging ones.

As with every part of this book, we are going to start with an opportunity for you to reflect – this time on relationships with different kinds of people – and give yourself a mark for each type.

Close friends

So how many do you have? Really close friends, that is, the ones who don’t judge, don’t ask for anything and seem to have an uncanny knack of knowing when you need them and when they should stay away. Give yourself a point for every genuine one you have.

Now ask yourself what kind of friend you are – always there or a bit too busy? You’d like to be more understanding and give more, but . . . Take marks off for the negatives, add some for the positives, then give yourself a score out of 10.

Work colleagues

Are they good friends or simply colleagues? Perhaps you have a mix, but there is ‘that one’ who drives you nuts. These are often the relationships we can’t choose, so they can be difficult at times. If you are in education, think about your class or course mates. Give yourself a low mark if you don’t mix well and a higher mark if you make the effort and make it work.

Your boss

So, do you actually talk to your boss or are they someone you avoid at all costs? You don’t have to be great friends with your boss to have a good, effective, working relationship where you feel your needs are being met – mutual respect is key here.

Your staff

If you supervise a team, you’ll know that managing staff can be one of the most challenging tasks you will ever do. So, as a manager, how is your relationship with your staff? Do you have difficulties relating to them and implementing your ideas? Or do you all work together in a friendly, open and honest way?

If you don’t manage staff, give yourself a mark for what type of team member you think you are.

Your neighbours

Do you actually have a connection with your neighbours or are they just a group of people who live close by? If you went next door for a cup of sugar would you be greeted with open arms or a puzzled look of ‘who the heck are you?’ Give yourself a mark for your relationship with your neighbours.

Old friends

How good are you at staying in touch? Do you remember their birthdays, anniversaries and special occasions? Do you take pride in the fact that you stay in touch? Or can you think of a giant list of old mates whom you haven’t seen or spoken to in years?

New friends

How good are you at making new friends? How many new people have you made an effort to meet in the past 12 months and formed new friendships with? Perhaps you have enough friends already and don’t need any new ones – lucky you! Or perhaps it’s because you’re a little shy and fear rejection? If that’s you then you have something in common with 90% of other people. Give yourself an honest mark.

Now connect your scores on your Relationships Wheel and take action on the areas where you get a lower mark by turning to the most relevant chapters that follow.