A few good neighbours are worth their weight in gold. It’s great to have someone to chat to, to do little favours for, and to be able to ask for help in return. And all on your doorstep (literally). If you’ve ever had a strained relationship with a neighbour, you’ll know what a negative impact that can have on your life – and it’s not easy to avoid somebody who lives right outside your house.

I’ve always had good neighbours. Is that because I’m lucky or because I’ve worked hard to be a good neighbour? Something to think about.

I live in a small village where most people know each other. But even when I’ve lived in a town or a terrace I’ve always made sure I introduced myself to my neighbours, was extremely polite and worked hard at fitting into the community.

Building neighbourly respect

You don’t have to be best mates with your neighbours; in most cases you didn’t choose them; however, there is a level of respect that is needed to be a good neighbour.

You may be thinking: ‘Well, if they were more respectful to me then I would reciprocate.’ Perhaps you have problem neighbours or they are just too ‘different’. Here are a few techniques to help. They are designed to help you take down the barricades, build a bridge or in some cases make the move from neighbours to buddies:

• The smile and wave. When you see a neighbour, give them a big smile with a small half-moon wave. Do this a few times until you build trust.*
• Hello. The next step is a simple and easy one. Come on, it’s not like you’ve forgotten the words! Just say ‘Hello’.
• Meaningless greetings. ‘Nice day’, ‘Horrible day’, ‘Looks like it might rain’ or any other weather-related nonsense goes down well. Just get past hello and say something more.
• Hi, I’m . . . A bit more daring and should only be attempted by the brave and fearless or after completing all the above. Yes, it’s time to introduce yourself. Here’s how. ‘Hi, I’m Michael, I’ve lived here for x weeks, months, years and I’ve just realised I don’t know your name.’

At this point, if they don’t want to speak, you can rest easy knowing you did all you could to build a neighbourly friendship.

There’s more to being a good neighbour than a wave and a smile

Being a good neighbour is about other things, too. Here are some things you can do to be a better neighbour:

• Take your neighbour’s bin out if they’ve forgotten.
• Bring it back in later.
• Push any papers left hanging out of their letterbox right through.
• Check on their house or car if their alarm goes off.
• Send your neighbours a Christmas card.
• If you share grass, cut their side too.
• Repair both fences.
• Keep the noise down.
• Let them know if you are going to be away.

I’m making the assumption that you’ll apply good sense to all of the above points, i.e. avoid letting your neighbour know if you are going to be away if he is called Mr Raffles. But give as many as you can a go and see what happens.

Reality check

So what if you do have the neighbours from hell or you fall out with people just a few yards away? There’s a lot to be said for being dignified, especially when the temptation is to scream! Deep breaths, a simple nod as you pass and then just get on with your life. You’ll only see them for a fraction of your day so don’t allow them to put you off living a full and happy life.

*Not all on the same occasion; that would make you look slightly mad!