What if I said I’ll be your friend? In fact, I’ll be a brilliant friend. I’ll call just the right amount of times and I’ll always do what I promise. I’ll guarantee to remember your birthday and buy you an imaginative gift that you’ll actually like. Of course, I’ll be there for you when times are tough and I’ll be hilariously funny, but never at your expense. Oh yes, one more thing, I’ll be really focused on making you look good even if I have to sit quietly and let you be the centre of attention.

Who’d like a friend like that? Everyone! And I think you’ve worked out what’s coming next – it’s YOU who needs to think and be like that if you want to make some brilliant new friends.

Finding friends

Finding new friends can seem like a daunting task. If you don’t have many friends, it’s easy to feel very isolated and not know how to make a start. But it’s actually very simple; you just have to be proactive about it – so, don’t wait at home for them to find you! Here’s something to get you started.

My challenge to you is this: have a conversation with one stranger a day for the next five days. This is not to find new friends, so it can be anyone. Taxi drivers, people on the bus, standing in a queue, in the supermarket – anyone. It’s about giving you the confidence to talk to new people.

After you’ve done this for five days, you should be feeling more relaxed about talking to strangers. Next start conversations again, but this time keep talking for over 10 minutes. It may seem like a long time, but this is a must, even if it turns out to be a terrible conversation; it’s all part of the process.

The art of conversation

Once you’ve managed this, think about how you approach conversation. Be open and try to say ‘yes’ more often. One of the loveliest people I’ve met must be Danny Wallace, who wrote a brilliant book called Yes Man. In it, he describes how his life changes because he was challenged to say ‘yes’ more often. He replied to weird invitations, visited places he would never have dreamed of and, in the end . . . Well, you have to read the book, but let’s put it this way, he made some brilliant new friends.

Once you start to meet people, be interested in them rather than trying to be interesting. When we meet people for the first time there seems to be a huge amount of pressure for us to impress. The secret is to change the focus from trying to make an impression to making them feel special.

Plan to see them again

The key to making friends is to see a person more than once. Stupidly obvious but this is a point where some people feel uncomfortable right at the critical moment. Remember we’re making friends; this is not a guide to dating, so the key is to have been interesting enough for that person to want to spend time with you again. If they do, great; if not, next! There are thousands of people out there who want to make friends – with you!

There are lots of people who also need to make new friends

Don’t think of yourself as the only person who finds it hard to make new friends. There are lots of reasons why you might be reading this now; perhaps you have just moved in to a new area, maybe you have just ended a relationship or you have been caring for a family member. Whatever your experience, I would imagine there are other people who are in your area who have had a similar experience, too.

People like people who are like themselves

These days there are groups and clubs for every situation, interest, hobby or belief you can imagine. What a great place to meet like-minded people. Go to your library and start asking questions about your interest, join a club and show up.

Final thought. Don’t be too needy. No one likes a person who is too desperate to make friends. They get the impression their new buddy is going to be hard work. It’s a close call sometimes but, if in doubt, ask your intuition. Your intuition knows you pretty well by now – it’s been with you all your life, so if it’s shouting ‘back off’ then take heed.