I don’t mean a mate whom you chat with now and then. I mean a person who will really push you, ask all the hard questions and educate you with specialist knowledge.

I’d always used mentors without actually realising it. I was one of those people who used to ask ‘How do you do that?’ to anyone I found interesting. When I was in my early twenties I was made a member of the British Youth Council. After the third meeting I attended I had a proposal I wanted to put to the council. Amazingly, it wasn’t passed, but there were a record number of abstentions. I asked some other members why this had happened and the consensus seemed to be that I was a nice guy but when I stood up to speak most of the other members couldn’t understand me. My strong North East accent was more powerful than my message!

I came home and immediately set about finding someone who could help me. Leonard Lonsdale was the answer. He was a local preacher whom I knew through my church and his voice was amazing. I called him and explained my dilemma. By the next day I had an elocution mentor who, although he couldn’t teach me to speak like Prince Charles, did help me to become more easily understood and gave me bags of confidence.

Finding a mentor is easier than you think

• Realise that you want to be better at something, then find someone who knows how to do it.
• Ensure it’s someone you admire and like. Your relationship won’t work unless you highly respect, like and admire this person. You don’t have to be friends or even know them personally.
• Find a person who will push you. You don’t need a mentor who will just tell you that you are doing a good job.
• Don’t chicken out! Once you decide on your amazing mentor don’t put off asking them. We have all done it – thought about it then not taken any action.
• Be clear with your request. Mentors will work with you so long as they know what is expected of them: two or three hours a month might be a good benchmark. Even if it doesn’t take that amount of time, still communicate with them and be seen to use some of their knowledge. Even mentors go rusty!
• Take a gift (but get creative!). The first time you meet your new mentor take them a small present. Make it memorable. Not tacky, not expensive, but make it something that will last.
• Boost your mentor’s confidence. Your new mentor could be as concerned as you are about taking on this challenge. Let them know specifically what you have learned at the end of each session and start your next one with what you have done and your results.
• Make sure your mentoring is a one-way street. You aren’t there to mentor your mentor. It may be that at some point you have an opportunity to become the mentor. I would suggest you park this opportunity at that moment and, at the end of your sessions, ask your mentor if you should switch roles.

Here’s your homework. You have seven days to find a mentor. You don’t need to have met with them but you must identify them. Ask them for help and have a first appointment scheduled.

Mentor groups

In Napoleon Hill’s famous book Think and Grow Rich, he advocates surrounding yourself with a ‘mastermind’ group. A group of highly qualified individuals with specialist knowledge who would meet on a regular basis to help you. You may be very lucky and have a group of people able to do this. If you want to bring a new group together they may be thinking: ‘What do I get out of this?’ That’s where mentor groups come in.

Mentor groups are a selection of like-minded people who come together and pool their knowledge for the benefit of each person in the group. By bringing a group together you can either get a real buzz or waste your time. I’ve helped several people establish these groups in the past and participated in a few, too. Here are the most common advantages, disadvantages and solutions.

Advantage: You have five or more people to give advice

Disadvantage: Five opinions that may clash

Solution: One person to chair each meeting whose ultimate say is final

Advantage: Conversation leads to unknown creative territory

Disadvantage: You don’t actually get any advice transferred

Solution: Have three clear agenda items and a good chair who leads you back to them

Advantage: Mix of minds allows you to get several opinions on how to tackle an issue

Disadvantage: People who have little knowledge of your problem wanting to give their opinion

Solution: Think transferable. Accept all the advice that people give but think how you can adapt it more specifically to your situation

If you are thinking about setting up a mastermind mentoring group, keep in mind the following:

• Be very clear with the people you are inviting and let them know what is expected of them. Tell them they will probably be doing more giving than getting. You need a group who are all happy with this mindset.
• Suggest you are going to test it for three meetings (one a month) to see how it goes. Arrange the dates for all three now.
• Ensure everyone gets something out of the first meeting.
• Write to (don’t email) everyone who attended the first session to thank them for their contribution.
• Suggest that, after the first three meetings, if someone wants to leave they replace themselves with someone who would add to the group.
• Keep it fast, fun and fresh. As soon as it becomes too much like hard work it’s time to stop.

Having a mentor (or two) is one of the best ways to keep yourself on track and move you to the next level of your personal development. You’ll be amazed at how much people will want to help you if you ask in the correct way and be open to their suggestions.

It may be that as you read this you like the idea of being a mentor yourself. There are lots of ways to do this but one of the most rewarding is to work with young people. Ask your local secondary school if they have a mentoring programme. Many do and they are always looking for committed people who want to help.