43
Chapter 5
The Stories We Tell
At the end of the week, Claire knocked on Eliza’s door.
Clearly something was on her mind. Her brow was fur-
rowed again in its telltale manner.
“Come on in, Claire. What’s up?”
Claire gently closed the door behind her, but not
before looking around to see if anyone noticed her.
“Thanks, Eliza. So, I’ve been thinking about what you
said about throwing people under the bus. I get your
point and understand where you’re coming from . . .”
“And?” Eliza pressed.
“Well, I just think that Dave didn’t get your message.
I’m convinced he’s actively throwing me under the bus.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Well, I tried to reach out to my Cynsis client con-
tact, and he was on the phone with Dave at the time
that I called. He said he’d call me back, and that was
yesterday. He hasn’t called back. And when Dave was
44 ◾ Transforming Teams
talking with Jennifer, the customer service rep that
we put on the account, he told her not to worry about
Cynsis—he was xing everything—as if he was clean-
ing up my mistakes. I’m certain he’s going around me
to my clients in order to make us look bad. I’m just sick
about it, and I don’t think it’s right.”
Eliza sat back and gave Claire a long look. She had
never before felt that Claire was insecure. If anything,
she was surefooted and condent. Claire had been with
the company since its inception and had performed
every function in customer service. She was older, her
children were grown, and her husband, a marine biolo-
gist, was often either on research travel or locked away
writing an academic paper. HDS Tech was Claire’s world.
It was her greatest social outlet and cause. She knew
customer service inside and out, took her job very seri-
ously, and she seemed like a condent, steady leader.
But maybe what Eliza had observed in Claire wasn’t
condence so much as stubbornness. Regardless, Claire
and Dave’s working relationship had clearly hit a new low.
“Did you ask Dave what he meant when he told
Jennifer he was ‘xing everything’?” Eliza asked.
“No,” said Claire.
“Don’t you think you should?”
“Why? So he can make things out to be my fault
again?”
“Claire, I’ve got a golden nugget for you . . . ”
“Another ‘golden nugget,’ Eliza?” interrupted Claire
with a smile.
“Yes,” she said somewhat apologetically. “And it is
this: Be mindful of the stories you tell yourself—until
The Stories We Tell ◾ 45
you’ve conrmed them, they’re only stories in your
own head and nothing else.”
Be mindful
of the stories you
tell yourself
Eliza continued. “Here’s what I mean by that. Have
you ever noticed all of the conversations that are swirl-
ing around in your head all the time? Do you know
what I’m referring to?”
“You mean my brain telling me to take out the trash,
or watch out for that car, or don’t forget to pick up
milk? That conversation?”
“Yes, exactly. The funny thing about language is that
from the moment we learn words, they form an ever-
present, running dialogue in our heads. And that dia-
logue tells us stories all day long. For the lucky ones, it
says, ‘I look great today!’ For others, it’s always saying
‘I’m fat,’ or ‘no one likes me.’ Kind of a running com-
mentary on our condence.”
Claire nodded in understanding.
46 ◾ Transforming Teams
“Well, that voice is also telling us stories so we can
piece together what is happening around us. It’s a
survival thing that goes back to the dawn of human
history. Like if you see a bunch of people running in
one direction, your brain may tell you ‘uh oh, better
run too; there’s probably a lion about to eat me.’ So that
voice is always trying to make sense of our surround-
ings and telling us stories to keep us safe.
“But the problem is that sometimes we believe those
stories without knowing the truth. And it leads us to
have conversations in our heads that are not grounded
in reality. So, in this case, what’s the story you’re telling
yourself about what Dave said to Jennifer?”
“Uh, I guess it is that he is taking over our client
work in order to make us look incompetent or bad,”
said Claire hesitantly.
“Right. But is there a possibility that there could be
another story or interpretation of the meaning or inten-
tion behind Dave’s comment?”
Claire thought for a moment.
“Well, I doubt this is the case, but maybe he could
be taking the lead because he feels responsible for the
problem in the rst place?”
“Sure. Or possibly he is taking the lead on this just
to make sure there’s one point person on the account
until we get the demo successfully tested in Des
Moines,” said Eliza.
“I guess that’s possible.”
“That’s what I’m saying, Claire. There are many pos-
sible reasons or intentions behind his comment and
actions. But until you verify them with him, all you’ve
The Stories We Tell ◾ 47
got is the story that is playing out in your head regard-
ing his actions.
“I’ll say it again. Be very mindful about the stories
you tell yourself because they could be just that—stories,
with little or no semblance of truth,” Eliza admonished.
“So in order to validate my stories, you’re
suggesting . . . ”
“I’m suggesting that you go to Dave and ask him what
he meant when he told Jennifer that he was going to ‘x
everything.’ Ask him if he would like to be the lead on
the client account for the time being. Just scope it out
and, above all, have an open mind and open heart.”
“Okay, I’ll try,” said Claire. “Please just don’t think
I’m crazy. I can see now that what I came in here with
may have sounded a bit out of line.”
“Claire, we all tell ourselves stories. Don’t worry
about it. But if you nd yourself getting upset about
something, assess your story and then set about to
determine whether it is accurate or not.”
A few hours later, Eliza was lling her coffee cup in
the cafeteria when Dave walked in and shot her a big
smile.
“Hey Dave,” said Eliza warmly.
“Hey Eliza. So, what did you say to Claire this morn-
ing?” he asked, with a glint of mischief.
“Why? What happened?”
“So, she came into my ofce and said, ‘I’ve been tell-
ing myself stories about what you may have meant when
you told Jennifer that she didn’t need to call the Cynsis
folks because you were going to “x everything.” And I
honestly just wanted to know what you meant.’”
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