104 ◾ Transforming Teams
Step
s for Having a Critical Conversation
1. Get emotions in control
and visualize a successful
conv
ersation
2. Focus on due North
3. T
ake stock of stories and
actively listen to others
4
.
Pr
actice
5
. Conv
erse, keeping due North in
mind and emotions in check
“What do you think? Is this doable for you?” asked
Eliza.
“You make it sound easy. Yes, okay. I’ll give it a try.
So, I get my emotions in control and visualize success;
I focus on my “due North”; I take stock of my stories;
practice; and listen.
“Yes, I can do this,” said Dave.
“I know you can,” said Eliza. “You just have to give
it a shot.”
* * *
A few days after Eliza’s talk with Dave about critical
conversations, Claire came into her ofce with a puz-
zled, yet somewhat pleased, look on her face. Pulling
Dave’s Critical Conversations ◾ 105
up a chair, Claire said, “You’ll never believe the conver-
sation I had with Dave this morning.”
“Really? Tell me,” said Eliza, deciding not to share
with Claire her involvement in the situation.
“So, get this. He calls me to set up a time to talk.
When has he ever done that? He usually just barges
into my ofce, regardless of whether it’s disruptive or
not, and demands my attention right there and then.
But this time he asked what time would be convenient
for me and requested 45 minutes of my time. I was
totally curious and had no idea what he was up to.
“So at the prearranged time, he shows up. On time!
When has that ever happened? He sits down and says,
‘Claire, I’ve been thinking a lot about this, and it is
really important for us professionally, and for me per-
sonally, to develop a better relationship.’
“He then goes on to say how he now realizes, after
the work with Charles Henry, how inconsiderate he has
been, and then proceeds to tell me all of the ways in
which I’m an important asset to HDS and also to him
personally. Can you believe that?” asked Claire in com-
plete amazement.
“Claire, that’s really wonderful. Sounds like Dave has
been doing a lot of soul-searching. What do you think?”
Eliza asked.
“Well, I have to say I was stunned. I didn’t think he
liked me, and I certainly didn’t think he appreciated me.
But the things that he shared really moved me. I think I
may have misread him all along,” Claire confessed.
“You know,” she continued, “he’s not such a bad guy.”
106 ◾ Transforming Teams
“No, he’s not,” Eliza agreed. “Claire, is it possible that
some of your assumptions about him may have been
incorrect? Maybe some of your issues and complaints
about Dave were misdirected or unjust?”
“I’m open to the fact that I may have been reading
him wrong. I guess it never occurred to me that I mat-
tered in his eyes. But, if he is to be believed, clearly I
do matter to him. Oh, and get this: he has asked that
we have a weekly meeting, just the two of us—regu-
larly scheduled and on the calendar—to discuss the
sales and customer service needs and issues so that our
teams can better coordinate! Can you believe that?” said
Claire, clearly beaming. “Scheduled. Regularly sched-
uled meetings to talk about our needs. Seriously, Eliza,
I think you need to check to make sure an alien hasn’t
inhabited your VP of sales.”
“Okay, I’ll do that,” Eliza joked. “But seriously, Claire.
Just as you thought he didn’t like or care about you, I
suspect he felt the same way about you. If you want a
better relationship, that change has to start with you.
Deal?” asked Eliza.
“Deal,” replied Claire. “You can count on that.”
“I do,” said Eliza earnestly.
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