96 ◾ Transforming Teams
we did during the session, spend some time thinking
about the things that she does to support you—her
value to the team. I’m certain she would be surprised
and appreciative.”
“So, put myself out there? Take a risk?” Dave asked.
“Take a risk, Dave. You do it all the time. Now’s the
time to take this one,” said Eliza warmly.
“Ugh, I can’t believe you’re making me do this, but
okay. I’m only doing it for you,” said Dave with a smile.
“But it won’t be easy.”
“I appreciate that you’re doing it because I’m asking
you to, but you’re actually doing it for yourself and for
the company. Because, Dave, this matters. And I know
it’s uncomfortable, but you can do this,” Eliza said
reassuringly.
“So what’s the other nugget?” Dave asked. “You said
you had two golden nuggets. ‘Be the change I seek’ is
one. What’s the other?”
Be the change
you seek
Never
complain
down
The Only One You Can Change Is You ◾ 97
“Never complain down,” said Eliza.
Dave looked perplexed.
“What do you mean, ‘never complain down’? When
have I complained down?” Dave asked.
“You just told me you were complaining to Carlos
about Claire. That’s complaining down.”
“That’s just Carlos. We’re tight and he’s a manager in
the department. That’s not complaining down,” Dave
protested.
“Yes it is, Dave,” Eliza persisted. “Carlos is your sub-
ordinate, and I appreciate that you’re friends. But if he
looks to the senior leadership and sees you and Claire
complaining about each other, he will lose respect for
Claire—as will everyone else that he shares your con-
cerns with. There’s a Chinese proverb that goes, ‘The
sh rots from the head down.’ You’re the sh head, and
if you let your complaints ow down to your team or to
others, they will rot too. It’s a cancer, Dave. Just don’t
do it. Don’t ever complain down. If you need to, com-
plain to your peers—go to Claire or Kirby or me, but
don’t complain down. Deal?” Eliza asked.
“Okay. Deal,” Dave said reluctantly.
“So I can’t conde in Carlos, and I have to go have
a love-fest with Claire. Is that where things stand?”
asked Dave.
“Pretty much,” she replied.
“Fine, then it’s going to cost you,” he said with a smile
as a waiter approached. Dave scanned the menu and
looked up at the waiter. “What’s today’s market price for
the lobster? Wait, never mind. I’ll have the lobster.”
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