145
Chapter 16
Managing Promises
Lunch was served on the outside patio, and people sat in
informal groups. Eliza sat with a few of the customer ser-
vice reps, a couple of the sales reps, and Claire. Everyone
was in high spirits, clearly enjoying the session and the
opportunity to do some of this developmental work.
One of the customer service reps, after checking
her e-mail, turned to Claire and said, “I just heard from
Robbie and Ace-Tron. They’re having a problem with
the backup feature. What do you think we should do?”
“Ask him to complete an incident report and then
run it to Kirby’s team to resolve,” Claire responded.
“Oh, Claire,” said another rep, “I meant to tell you
that the run-out report on the old XLR modules is only
going to 24 months when it should go to at least 48
months. What do you want me to do?”
Claire thought about this and suggested that they
inventory how many clients typically run the reports
146 ◾ Transforming Teams
and what length of time was usually reported out.
Based on that, they would gure out what communica-
tion strategy to pursue with the affected clients.
“Claire, I’ve got one for you,” said her customer ser-
vice supervisor. “Cassidy and Keisha are both request-
ing the week of the 14th off for vacation, but that’s the
week of the big installation. What should I do?”
Claire suggested that they grant the request now to
the rst person who made the leave request and see, as
the time nears, whether the second could be granted.
Eliza sat dumbfounded. She had never observed how
Claire interacted with her team in this way. It seemed
that everyone turned to Claire for answers and she read-
ily gave them. Even the customer service supervisor
seemed to rely on Claire to address an issue—a simple
leave request—that the supervisor should have been
more than capable of addressing on her own.
Eliza’s concern was that, by answering all of the
team’s questions, Claire might be creating a group reli-
ant solely upon her and, perhaps more disquieting, by
answering all of their questions, members of the team
weren’t getting the opportunity to stretch their own
problem-solving skills.
Eliza decided that she would need to set aside some
time, perhaps that evening during the happy hour, to
talk with Claire about this. Eliza had another golden
nugget that Claire clearly needed to learn.
As she was wrapping up her lunch, Eliza observed
Dave on the phone at the edge of the patio. He
seemed to be having a warm conversation with some-
one. His body language suggested it was an intimate
Managing Promises ◾ 147
conversation, and he was smiling as he spoke quietly
into the phone. She heard him say, “I love you,” as he
hung up the phone. Was it possible Beverly and he were
back together? she wondered, as she watched Dave turn
back to his lunch companions. She laughed to herself as
she thought, “Oh, the stories we tell ourselves!”
* * *
When the group reconvened after lunch, Karen asked a
simple question. “Let’s have a show of hands. How many
of you want to be held accountable for your actions?”
Without hesitation, every hand in the room went up.
“So each and every one of you would like to be held
accountable for your actions?”
Without exception, everyone in the room nodded
their head in agreement.
“Great. Do you want to be held accountable by your
superiors?” she asked.
“Absolutely,” interjected a sales rep as everyone nod-
ded in agreement.
“Do you want to be held accountable by your peers
and colleagues?”
“Yes,” said a customer service rep with conviction.
Again, everyone was nodding in agreement.
“Even by your subordinates?” Karen pressed.
“Especially by my subordinates,” said Dave with
conviction.
“Okay then. So each and every one of you wants to
be held accountable by each and every one that you
work with. Am I getting that correct?” Karen asked.
Every head in the room was nodding in agreement.
148 ◾ Transforming Teams
“Awesome! Okay, next question. How many of you
feel comfortable holding those over whom you have no
authority, and superiors, who have authority over you,
accountable for their promises and actions?”
The room fell silent.
Karen let the silence linger as some quietly shook
their heads no.
Breaking the silence, Karen said, “Well, that’s some-
thing, isn’t it? Each and every one of you agreed fully
that you want to be held accountable, but few if any of
you feel comfortable doing so with your peers and your
superiors. Why is that?”
“Maybe it’s because of behavioral style,” said Keisha.
“I’m a high S and I hate conict. I could never tell one
of the sales reps or, worse yet, Claire, that she had bro-
ken a promise to me.”
“I believe her. Look, she’s shaking all over just by
talking about it,” said Carlos.
“I don’t see you volunteering to hold Dave or Eliza
accountable, and you’re clearly not an S or a C. So how
do you explain that?” Karen said to Carlos.
“Okay, so maybe I don’t get hives when contemplat-
ing conict, but I certainly don’t go in search of it. I’m
just happy to let things slide and to go along to get
along,” he explained.
“Ahhh, the old, ‘go along to get along’ syndrome,”
said Karen, making air quotes around the phrase. “How
many of you feel you avoid having critical conversa-
tions with people because you want to ‘go along to get
along’?” Karen asked.
Managing Promises ◾ 149
Many hands went up.
“Well, here’s the good and the bad interpretation,”
continued Karen. “I dene ‘go along to get along’ as
trying to be agreeable in order to avoid conict and
keep the peace. That’s the good interpretation. The bad
interpretation, and the one I think is more accurate, is
that ‘going along to get along’ is actually faking consen-
sus. We are not in agreement. We are just pretending to
be. What does that sound like to you?”
“Like not being sincere,” offered Claire.
“Insincerity. That’s right. News ash: insincerity—and
the related breakdown in trust—is usually not the result
of malevolence. It’s usually because someone doesn’t
want to be mean or doesn’t want to create conict.
They don’t want to say what they mean because they
just want to ‘get along.’ But if you really want to build
a solid team, one based on trusting relationships, you
have to be willing to make and manage your promises,
hold peers accountable, and avoid fake consensus.”
Esse
ntial Con
versations for Collaboration
Conversations to
Manage Pr omises
Conversations to
Hold Peers Accountable
Conversations to
Avoid Fake Consensus
“That’s really hard,” offered Keisha.
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