171
Chapter 18
Actions vs. Intentions
“So here’s the question, Dave. Can you separate Claire’s
intentions from her actions? We know her actions, from
your perspective, were to double-check your work and
slow the process down. But what were her intentions?”
asked Eliza.
“I could guess. But that would just be my story
again, right? I’d rather just ask her. What were your
intentions, Claire, in double-checking all my work?”
Claire paused for a moment, smiled, and shook
her head slowly. “You probably won’t believe this but,
actually, to protect you, Dave. I have just been worried
that you were unable to ll these specs out correctly. I
think I gured your behavioral style left you somewhat
unable to hone in on the details. My intention was sim-
ply to make sure you didn’t get caught short.”
Dave smiled but at the same time shot her with a
somewhat suspicious look.
172 ◾ Transforming Teams
“Seriously, Dave, it wasn’t a CYA strategy. Think
about it. If a mistake went through, it would have
been your fault anyway. I was never at risk, other than
my bonus. But I don’t get a big bonus anyway, or at
least not one big enough to motivate me to do all of
this additional work,” she said sheepishly. “I was just
protecting you and protecting HDS Tech. Or at least I
thought I was. That was my intention.”
“Wow,” said Dave. “I never thought of that. I gured
you were lying in wait to catch me in a mistake. It never
occurred to me you were doing it to cover for me.”
“Well, you never asked,” smiled Claire.
Eliza turned to the whiteboard and put check marks
next to the following bullets:
Unpack the baggage
Actions vs. intentions
“We’re making progress,” she said. “That brings us
here:
“Question your interpretation
New requests, offers, and promises
“It brings us to the possibility that your own inter-
pretation of events is just one interpretation—and that
there may be many others. And I’ll give you my inter-
pretation: you both are very committed to your jobs
and to HDS Tech. You may be, at times, working at
cross-purposes or in conict, but you are always work-
ing in the best interest of the company. That’s why
Actions vs. Intentions ◾ 173
my support for each of you in your roles has never
wavered,” said Eliza.
“I know you’re going to roll your eyes at me, but
we’ve just covered another golden nugget. And here
it is: ‘Intentions trump actions.’ I think we’ve already
demonstrated why, right?”
Intentions
trump
actions
Claire and Dave both nodded in agreement.
“So Claire’s intentions to protect HDS Tech and me
trump the fact that she slowed the process down. Yes,
I get it. But I’m not sure I’m comfortable with it. Does
that mean that she’s ne doing that going forward?”
pressed Dave.
“No,” said Eliza. “It just means that before you start
telling yourself stories about how she has broken a
promise or how her actions have damaged your trust,
it’s important to spend some time thinking about her
intentions rst. You may begin to see things in a new,
less damaging light.”
174 ◾ Transforming Teams
“That, I’m comfortable with,” said Dave.
Eliza was happy that Dave and Claire were being
open and honest with each other. She was hopeful that
they would be able to have a conversation about how
to move forward.
“Okay,” said Eliza, turning to what remained on
the board. “Our next item is ‘New requests, offers and
promises.’ So, let’s turn toward the future. What do
each of you need—what offers, requests, and promises
can you make—in order to move forward with an open
heart and an open mind in order to be comfortable
being vulnerable to each other in the future?”
Claire and Dave considered the question for some
time. Finally, Claire offered, “Dave, in order for me to
feel comfortable moving forward, comfortable being
vulnerable with my eyes closed and my arms out-
stretched, I need you to spend more time with me
when you turn in the orders. I don’t need you to ll out
more forms, but if you can just take the time to tell me
why you’ve left areas blank so that I can better under-
stand the situation, I think I can move forward.”
“That’s totally doable,” said Dave. “Claire, for me,
I need you to just pick up the phone and call me
when you have a question or concern. I’m more than
happy to talk over the spec sheets with you as we
submit them, but after that, down the road, if you have
questions or issues, please, just call me. I’m always
available.
“Even when I’m on the golf course,” he added with a
wink.
Actions vs. Intentions ◾ 175
Claire and Dave both looked pleased as they turned
toward Eliza. She smiled back at them but stopped
them short as they began to get up and leave.
“Ahem,” she said to get their attention. “I believe you
have some promises to make.”
“Oh, right,” said Dave. Turning toward Claire, he said,
“Claire I am offering to sit down with you to discuss
each of the new order spec sheets. What next? Oh right,
so I’ll be the provider, and you’re the consumer. As for
timing, I’ll do it within 24, no, let’s make it 36hours of
submitting the form. Does that work for you?”
“Yes, that works,” said Claire. “Do you have any con-
ditions of satisfaction?”
“Umm, no. Wait, yes, I do. First, if I’m out making
client calls, I’d like to be able to have these discussions
with you over the phone if necessary. And if I’m not
the lead on the client account but someone on my team
is, I’d like them to be the one to go over it with you.
Of course, if you have any issues with my rep, you can
always follow up with me. Does that work for you?”
asked Dave.
“Yes, it does, and I accept! And in return, I offer to
call you immediately if I have any client issues that I
have concerns about. And I have no conditions of satis-
faction. Does that sound okay?” asked Claire.
“Yes to all of the above!”
They stood, shook hands, and then leaned in to give
each other a collegial hug. That was a rst. Eliza felt
satised that her attempt at mediating the conict and
restoring trust had been a success.
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